Janine's Story
by YellowRoseOfTexas
Summary: She's more than just Janine the Genius. CHAPTER 20: The baby arrives! CHAPTER 21: Story COMPLETED! *1-20-03: Added sequel info. and a CONTEST!*
1. Janine the Mother

A/N: I am currently working on my own mini-series about the new Baby-sitters Club. (Read it! Its around here somewhere!) I have completed the first story, which is told by Vanessa Pike, and I am now working on the second, which is told by Carolyn Arnold. "Janine's Story" could be considered a special edition since it is not about someone in my new BSC, but it is about someone who was an influencial character in the series. Afterall, Janine Kishi was present at all of the BSC meetings, even if she wasn't in the room. 

So I am giving Janine her own story. She's always deserved it, in my opinion. This story is about 21-year-old Janine Kishi Yamakawa, her husband James, and the events that take place while she is expecting their first child. 

BACKGROUND: When I thought of the concept of telling a bit Janine's story in "VGI," I had not originally planned to write a whole story about her. It was just going to be: 'This is what happened to Janine and that's it.' But because I was so taken by the idea of her being written so _differently_ than in the BSC series, I decided to get ahead and write its story. 

HERE'S THE NEAT THING: The two stories are going to meet up. Chapter 6 in "Vanessa's Great Idea" ("Melting Over a Boy Named Zach") has Janine appearing in it as a baby shower for her. She also visited chapters eight and nine of that story, and will be mentioned in the next story in my series "Carolyn and the Trouble With Twins". Of course, these stories are told from Vanessa and Caroyln's points of view. A much later chapter in "Janine's story," will have Vanessa appearing at Janine's baby shower and Janine appearing at a BSC party. This time it will be told from Janine's point of view. 

And now for the story... 

Janine the Genius. Ever since I breezed through my first IQ test at age seven, that's who I've been. To my family, to my friends, even to my first boyfriend. You may think that there's nothing that would hinder a person with an IQ of 196 from being whatever she wanted to be, but that's the farthest thing from the Real Story. 

I was a genius plagued by many things during my childhood and teenage years. First of all, as smart as I was, I never quite could decide where I fit in among my peers. I started out as Janine the Teacher's Pet in grade school. Then I evolved into Janine the Honor Student. (Along with that came Janine the Nerd.) Once, just once during that time, I got a chance to take on a new role. I was Janine the Girlfriend. My boyfriend, Jerry Michaels, became my whole world. I gave up anything and everything just so that I could spend more time with him. Well, it turned out that role was only temporary. I should have seen it coming. There was one role for which I would always be cast-- I _was_ Janine the Genius. Janine the Valedictorian. Janine the Serious Student. 

Throughout this time, I watched my little sister, knowing I would never and could never be like her at all. In some ways, I didn't mind it much. Afterall, she was a terrible student, relentlessly struggling through her schoolwork. But she had many other things going for her. She was Claudia the Artist. Claudia the Popular Girl. Claudia the Baby-sitter. Claudia the Girlfriend (many, many times.) And was I, Janine the Genius, jealous of Claudia? Every day of my life. 

There came a time when we finally admitted our jealousy to each other. Believe it or not, Claudia would have given up her popularity and creativity to be as smart as I am. Although actually, _her_ IQ is well above average. She just didn't apply herself back then. I had worked with her long enough to know. (Some things have changed though. More about that later.) She was shocked to discover that I would have given up my academic merit and our parent's approval to have as many friends as she did or even just to have her fashion sense. 

Eventually things did change for me. I found another boyfriend, thanks to none other than my little sister herself. It was one of her schemes that brought us together, and I know I'll always be grateful to her. That boyfriend turned out to be the one for me. Unlike Jerry Michaels, he never smothered me or made me have any regrets. So I didn't break up with this one; I married him instead. 

Before I go any further, I had better explain just what Claudia's brilliant (ingenious!) scheme involved and how it came to be that I married my beloved James. 

I had better explain how it all began between James and I. It has been a little over four years since we first met. However, the story begins about six years when Claudia went to Camp Mohawk with her friends. Claudia was interested in a Japanese guy she saw, but she didn't know his name. Finally she found out that his name was Will Yamakawa. 

Claudia and Will exchanged letters for about a year. Then they lost touch for a year. Then out of the blue, Will sent Claudia a Christmas card. He included his email address, and they began communicating again. That was when Claudia and Will decided to play match-maker. Although James was three years older than me, Claudia decided an older man was just what I needed. She nailed that one right on the head. Sometimes Claudia understood me better than anyone else. (But not always!) 

I met James when I was eighteen. Claudia actually went to the trouble of getting him to drive in to see me from Ashfield, New York. She and Will pretended that they really wanted to see _each other_ when the reality was that they were setting up us, their older siblings. 

I was still the plain, boring-looking Janine that I had been throughout my teen years. In case you've figured this out, I didn't consider myself to be very pretty. (Some things have changed since then. More about that later.) I was still sort of homely looking with my thick glasses and short, blunt haircut. And I bet I looked especially strange coupled with James... 

James is the oldest of three boys. Three extremely handsome boys, I might add. His two younger brothers, Will and Zach, looked like nothing more than younger versions of James himself. Of course, one only has to spend time with the three of them to know that this is not true. (More about them later, too.) 

James accepted me the way I was, which was the first thing that drew me to him. Unlike me, James had a very distinct and sophisticated style. I might as well have not know the definition of the word. Despite my lack of appreciation for fashion, James never once criticized me about how I looked. Eventually, I _asked_ him for advice, and he gladly dished it out. That was probably my favorite thing about James; he was open-minded and never judgmental. He was patient, loving, devoted... I knew for two years that he was my soul-mate. Then he confessed that he knew it, too; he asked me to marry him. 

What do you think I said? 

I'll give you a hint. A result of my answer is snuggled in my arms right now, sleeping peacefully and breathing deeply. This child has become my major purpose in life ever since I first discovered I was pregnant. I can't imagine a happier feeling than the one that I get every time I hold my angel. 

As Shelby Eatonton Latcherie once said in _Steel Magnolias_ (Claudia's and my favorite film), "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." 

I once thought that the most important part I would ever play would be Janine the Genius. Perhaps I've matured in my ideals since then. As I take in the miracle that I hold, I realize that the most important role I'll ever have from now until the day I die is simply being Janine the Mother. 

This is my story of taking on my new role. 


	2. Not Part of the Plan

**A/N:** This might be full of mistakes. I certainly hope not, but there's a chance that I made errors while talking about college and the pregnancy test. If so, please let me know so I can change it. This kind of writing is going to be a challenge for me. Constructive criticism is welcome.

I had just turned twenty-one. I was enjoying being a student teacher at the New Haven Science and Engineering Magnet School. (What a mouthful.) It had been six months since my wedding day and just one month since I had graduated from Yale University with my Bachelor's degree in my double major of choice, physics and secondary education, and my minor of choice, chemistry. I say it was a choice, but in fact, it was something that had been predestined for me when I was very young. Well, the science part had. But the education was something I had decided on myself, for once. I just knew that I was meant to be a teacher, and a good one at that. Perhaps I'd be a college professor at good old Yale. 

In any case, I was on top of the world... an excited young bride and an accomplished student. I, being the logical Janine I had been all my life, decided to take the next logical step. I would earn my Master's degree at the Yale Graduate School of Arts and Sciences while my husband James (who was graduating from graduate school in May) started his successful law career. I was certain he would be promoted to a partnership in his firm someday, and we would celebrate his success and my success together. 

My perfect plan was soon altered... 

I came home early from work that day in February because the pounding headache and cramps had become too much. PMS? I certainly hoped so, but I had a funny feeling I was wrong about that. On my way home, I bought a home pregnancy test. But Janine the Genius ought to know if she's pregnant, right? Wrong. I didn't know what to think. 

When I got home, I unintentionally set the test down on the kitchen counter right next to the application for the Yale Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. I grabbed myself a snack of peanut butter and crackers, poured myself some lemonade in a glass, and sat down on the bar stool. After my snack, I felt tired. I had been feeling so tired and sore lately. I decided I owed it to myself to take a short nap... 

A short nap turned into an hour and a half. I'm not sure how I did it; I am not the kind of person that can just take a nap in the middle of the day for no reason. That worried me. Even more frightening was what happened when I tried to get up. I was struck with a sudden spell of dizziness and out of nowhere, I felt myself gagging. I ran to the bathroom and hung my head over the toilet just as the contents of what I had eaten were starting to come up. 

I wandered into the kitchen, still feeling weird. Absently, I picked up my application and read over it. Everything was in order-- Letters of recommendation from my favorite professors at Yale, my official transcript, my GRE scores (I was quite proud of them), the check for the $80 application fee, a summary of my science grades, and my personal statement of purpose (which I slaved over after James suggested I try not to sound so much like a dictionary and be a little more natural.) 

Then the pregnancy test caught my eye, and that's when it hit me. The papers fell from my hands and my jaw practically dropped to the floor when I was struck with another thought. What would happen to all my plans if I turned out to be pregnant? I couldn't put it off any longer; it was time to take that test and find out the truth. 

So I went back into the bathroom and took it. And while I waited for the results to pop up... positive or negative... I worried about what would happen if I was pregnant. Would James be okay with it? Would my family be okay with it? And how would I manage graduate school and my job as a student teacher AND being a mommy? Would I have to give something up in order to handle it? 

The box instructed me to take the test and wait five minutes. In just about that amount of time, my result appeared on the stick. Clearly and distinctly, It displayed a plus. 

I began to panic. I had only been married for six months and now this? I just can't have a baby, I thought, not at twenty-one! Before I knew it, I was a mess, sobbing uncontrollably all over the bathroom floor. And just about that time, I heard James arriving home from work. 

"Janine?" 

"In... h-here," I sputtered. 

"Honey, what's wrong?" He was at the door, "Are you okay? Can I come in?" 

I nodded and then remembered he wouldn't have seen that. (Some genius I am.) I finally found my voice again. "Yes." 

I didn't turn around, but I heard him open the door and come in. I was sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at the test that sat at my feet next to its box, still displaying the plus sign. I heard him gasp a little and I felt my body tense up. 

James sat down beside me and touched my shoulder gently. "So, we're pregnant?" 

"Obviously," I shot back, not liking the sound of my voice. James recoiled slightly and I buried my face in my hands. I began crying harder and trembling all over. He quickly slipped his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. 

"Janine, you've got to calm down. I promise it'll be okay," he said. "Besides maybe you aren't pregnant. Maybe the test is wrong." 

"It's not," I managed to look at him. "I know its not. I even feel pregnant. And today- today while I was grading papers for Mr. Park, I kept having these headaches. And I've felt so sick and tired lately..." 

"I believe you," James said, trying to be funny. I couldn't smile. I felt awful. 

"But how could this happen? I thought we were being so careful." 

"Not always," he reminded me. 

I sighed deeply. "So what do we do?" 

"We get ready to have a baby." 

I pressed my lips together and nodded as one last tear slipped down my cheek. James took a tissue and quickly wiped it away. "No more crying now. I promise we can make this work." He paused. "And hey, the honest truth is, I've been wanting to have a baby since we got married." 

"Me, too," I couldn't deny that. "But I figured it would be five years before we decided to have children. Maybe even longer. I never thought it would happen so soon... I mean, I'm only twenty-one years old." My voice shook again. I was having trouble convincing myself that it would be okay. 

"You forget that I'm twenty-four. And perfectly capable of supporting you and the baby." He paused. "I know you usually prefer to do everything yourself, but I want you to lean on me sometimes. I'm your husband; that's what I'm here for." 

Neither of us spoke for awhile. We sat on the bathroom floor, hand in hand. I was in my own world, wondering if everything happens for a reason. I remembered something my sister Claudia said once, many years ago. It was way back when she was in the eighth grade. That year she was sent back to the seventh grade. I knew she was devastated; I would have felt the same way. But when we sat down to talk about it, here's what she said: 

"I can't see the good of this right now. But maybe I'm not meant to see it yet. I thing that someday when I look back on all of this, I will know exactly why it happened and be glad that it did." 

Claudia was right. Somehow she did manage to make the best of it. And we could all see that in the long run, it was for the best. Now instead of being a senior in high school, she is still a junior. Amazingly, she doesn't resent any of this. She's on the honor roll, and she never could have done it without repeating the seventh grade. Claud says the extra year was worth it. 

My baby. Right now, it seemed like a set-back. One day, I'll know it was a blessing. 

**2A/N (UPDATED):** I know in the series that Claudia actually did get back into the eighth grade, and did not remain a grade behind the rest. But in my other story, "Vanessa's Great Idea," I made that mistake in the first chapter. However, I decided not to change it because it worked for my story.   
Since the two stories are going to meet up, I am keeping it that way in this story as well. Claudia is finishing out her junior year; the other BSC members are finishing their senior years. Except for Mal and Jessi... they would be sophomores. Later on in this story, the others will graduate and Claudia will become a senior. ("Vanessa's Great Idea" began in August. Janine found out about being pregnant the previous February. So "Janine's Story" begins first even though I wrote it second. I probably should have mentioned that sooner. Sorry if anyone got confused. BTW, readers, for a better understanding read both of my stories!) 


	3. Out With The Secret

_How can I begin to tell them that I let them down? After all those years of always trying to please them, and I let them down. But nobody is perfect. Nobody, of course, except for me. Isn't that what everyone thinks? Isn't that what I let them think?_

I heaved a deep sigh as I put my journal away in its drawer. Today I had the task of announcing my unplanned pregnancy to the rest of my family. A weekend visit to Stoneybrook, to the old town of so many memories...   


"Maybe if you'd leave your computer alone for fifteen minutes, you'd be closer to all of us! You act like you're married to that thing. Does it make a nice husband?" 

"Mimi's sick again!" 

"Mean Janine." 

"You're right about Jerry. But he was my boyfriend for quite awhile and we spent most of our free time together. I lost touch with my other friends and I don't know how to reconnect with those people." 

"Janine, you are so mean!" 

"Mimi died during the night. Just a little while ago."   


So many years just thrown away. And for what exactly? Did I have to study all of the time? No. Did I have to cut myself off from everyone who cared about me? No. Then why did I? 

The best answer I could come up with was because I was scared to let anyone get to know me. There were only two people who ever saw any other side of me. One person was Jerry. I gave him a piece of my heart when I was his girlfriend, something I regret to say that I never got back. 

The other person was Mimi. Something changed within me after her stroke. And when she died, it really melted my heart. I remember right after it happened, I went into her room and went through all of her things. I came across her jewelry and realized I needed something I could keep to remember her by. I kept two pair of her earrings, and I wore the diamond ones on my wedding day. 

I was thinking about all of these things as James drove me back to the old town to confront the family about the news. I wondered what their reactions would be. It wasn't as if I had done anything wrong in society's opinion; I was already happily married to the father of my child. But I hadn't planned on getting pregnant so quickly. And this wasn't the right time for us to have a baby. We were still struggling to make our own pathways in life. We weren't ready for this. _That_ would be the issue that would put a damper on my joy of having a child. 

That's right. My joy. In spite of everything, it felt so right. It felt so good. And secretly, I was so very happy that my life was turning out this way. All I'd ever wanted was to be typical. All I'd ever wanted was to know what love was. And when I looked at James and when I thought about our baby, I could feel the love deep down inside of me. 

James caught me looking at him as we drove into Stoneybrook. "What is it?" He glanced at me and then shifted his gaze back to the road. "Are you feeling sick again?" 

I chucked. "No, I'm perfectly fine now. Nervous, though." 

James heaved a big sigh. "Me too, Janine. What do you think they'll say?" 

"I think we'll get a lecture." I said. "About being young and irresponsible. All those things that have always been said about people our age, but never about us." 

"Never about us," James repeated my words omniously. 

"James," I put my hand on his shoulder. "I know they'll disapprove, but suddenly it seems so right. Do you understand what I mean? Suddenly nothing else matters." 

"Janine, you can't talk like that," James burst in. 

"Well, then what can I do?" I blurted out, tears stinging my eyes. 

James pulled the car over. "I'm sorry. You're trying to make the best of things, and I'm bringing you down." 

"It's not that," I said, fighting back tears. "I won't cry anymore. I'm determined not to cry. I don't want cry about the moment that should be the happiest time in our lives." 

"I am happy, Janine," he said. "I just want everyone else to be happy with us." 

I brought a hand to my stomach, wondering what this experience of being pregnant and having a child would have in store for me. I was already ten weeks into the game, and it was still a secret between the two of us. I was already feeling different and even looking different underneath my sweatshirt and a pair of snug-fitting jeans that no longer required a belt to hold them up as they once had. My secret would give itself away if I waited much longer. 

I thought of a line from 'I Love Lucy' that had always made me laugh. "Well if we don't tell them now, we'll have to let the baby tell them." 

I said this out loud. Before we knew it, James and I both had a case of the giggles as we pulled into the driveway of my old house. Mom, Dad, and Claudia stood on the porch, awaiting our arrival. Our laughter subsided. It was time to make our announcement. 

"Janine," Claudia hugged me tightly. "I've missed you. Promise not to go this long between visits anymore." 

"It's a promise," I said, returning the hug. Afterawhile, we let go and I greeted both my parents the same way. Then the five of us went inside, my brain still working on a way to tell them the news. I just couldn't bring myself to say it right away. 

"How's school, Claudia? " I ventured. 

Her face lit up at the mention of school, something I never would have expected to see a few years ago. "Its really going great! I joined one of the academic teams. They were short on people to participate in poetry interpretation. My English teacher suggested I give it a try. So I did, and I got third place at one of the practice meets. That means I get to compete at District." 

"Wonderful!" I beamed at her. "I'm so proud of you, Claud." 

She blushed. "I really enjoyed doing it. Interpreting a poem is like another artform." 

"We're all very proud of Claudia," Mom added. "She's growing up." 

"I've noticed," I commented, as James and I took a seat on the couch. 

"So Janine," Claudia began, sitting next to me. "How are things with you?" 

I quickly glanced at James, who looking down at his hands. 

I cleared my throat. "Well, you know I got accepted into graduate school. I've signed up to take some classes in the evening after work and then later on, I've decided to take my classes online. There are several online curriculums that appeal to me and are included in my requirements." 

Dad raised his eyebrows slightly. "Oh? Getting tired of the classroom environment?" 

"That's...one reason." Again, I glanced at James. His eyes were as wide as saucers. 

"What else make you decide on that, sweetheart?" Mom asked. 

"Well...Mom, Dad, Claudia," I began. "James and I are..." 

They stared at me blankly. I swallowed hard and finished. 

"...pregnant." 


	4. The Family Reacts

No response. Just dead silence. After about ten seconds, I got a nibble from one of them. 

"You are?" Claudia finally squeaked. I had clearly shocked them all beyond belief. 

I nodded slowly, looking around the room at their faces. They were totally dumbfounded. 

"Gosh, already?" Claudia added. She couldn't have been more blunt; James and I just nodded again. I felt my cheeks getting hot. My little sister seemed to be the only one reacting to my news; my parents just stared at me, wearing odd expressions that I couldn't read. 

"Mom?" I tried. 

"Mama, you'll be a grandmother!" Claudia burst out. "Wow, I'll be an aunt!" 

With that, Claudia jumped up and hugged me tightly, laughing joyfully. "Congratulations, you guys!" She reached for James and threw her arms around him, too. I gladly accepted the hug, laughing contentedly at Claudia's excitement. She drew back from us, and I could see that she was crying happy tears. 

I smiled at her gratefully, then turned back to face my parents. Now they were exchanging worried glances, and I knew that this was going to be a very uncomfortable weekend visit. 

"Mother?" I tried again. "Are you and Dad... going to say anything?" 

My mother was wearing that pained expression that crosses her face every time she can't quite decide how to handle the situation. "What would you like for us to say, Janine?" 

"Wha-what?" I felt as if someone had knocked the wind out of me. I thought perhaps they'd be disappointed, but I never expected to be treated this coldly. "I- I want you to be happy for us." 

"Janine, I- I'm trying. But the both of you have to understand that this worries us more than anything. We never expected that this would happen so early," Mom explained. My father nodded. 

"Well, neither did we," James spoke up. "But we are prepared to handle anything that comes along." 

"And make sacrifices when it comes to Janine's schoolwork?" Dad sighed. 

"Of course not!" I said, rising to my feet. "Don't you think I can handle school by now? I've been going to college since I was fifteen years old! I think I know the routine." 

"We know you know the routine," Mother quickly put in. "But you have to understand, honey, graduate school is different. And you've known that Yale is demanding for quite some time..." 

"And I've learned how to deal with it. Don't you think I--" 

"Again, graduate school is different," my father interrupted me. 

I drew in my breath. "And again, I will handle all of it. I will handle all of the changes. My job, graduate school, and having a baby. Because I can do it." 

"And I'll help her," James stood by me, and together we towered above my parents. They sat looking up at us as we looked down on them. Defiantly. And watched my parents again exchanging looks. 

"Then congratulations," Mother stood and gave me the long-awaited hug I had been hoping for. Dad, too. And then they shook hands with James. I knew that this meant something. It meant that they were finally going to let go of me and let me be the adult I had become. I would no longer be their little girl because I was about to be someone else's mother. 

"When are you due, Janine?" Claudia spoke up again, now that the tension had eased a bit. 

_Here we go._"In mid-October," I answered quickly. "The doctor set October 24th as my tentative due date." 

And it got quiet then. I could tell my parents were doing the math. (I do come from a family of intellectuals.) I could see my mother calculating the 40 weeks of pregnancy and she would soon begin to realize what I hadn't told them yet... 

"Wait, it's already April," Surprisingly, it was Claudia who was the first one to do the math. "How far along are you now?" I guess she really has improved academically. 

"Um, about ten weeks," I answered, sounding almost as if I wasn't sure, even though I knew exactly. 

"Ten weeks and you've just now told us?" Dad asked. 

"Well, according to my baby's age since conception, it equals eight weeks," I started spilling out the facts. "And I was six weeks along when I had it confirmed. And it took me two weeks to build up the nerve to come and tell you guys. You do the math." 

They were already doing the math. Probably trying to figure out when we'd conceived. 

Oh, my lord. 

I'll just make it easy on you by saying that it was this uncomfortable and embarrassing for the entire day. Although we managed to move on to other subjects of discussion, Claudia smiled at me the whole time, and I knew we would be talking about this later on.   
  
  


* * * * * * * *

  
  


"Janine? Be still, honey." James grumbled sleepily. Night had fallen, and my husband and I were sleeping together in my old room. I was begin to feel queasy and restless, and I knew what had come over me. 

"I'm about to have another episode," I muttered, quickly shoving the covers aside and making my way to the bathroom. For some reason, I didn't have morning sickness; I had middle-of-the-night sickness. 

I heard him groan, and it ticked me off. He wasn't having to put up with this; I was. 

"Ugh," I slid down the bathroom wall and tried putting my head between my knees. The big T-shirt that I had been sleeping in was damp from where I had been sweating yet cold at the same time. I pulled the shirt off over my head and sat there in my bra and a pair of cotton shorts, feeling very disgusting and very tired of pregnancy already. 

"Janine, is that you?" Claudia's voice came from outside the other door. The bathroom has always been right in between our two rooms, and we've had late night conversations in there before. One of the conversations I remember the most took place when Claudia had just gotten her period for the first time, and I was the only person she wanted to tell and get advice from. 

This could be another one of those conversations. "Yes, come on in," I lifted my head just slightly. The door creaked open, and the bathroom night light gave off just enough light that I could see my little sister staring at me warily. 

"I'm okay," I assured her. "But nauseous. I get it at night sometimes." 

"Can I do something for you?" She asked, her voice full of concern. 

"Actually," I said weakly, "Could I have some crackers to nibble? That might help me." 

She nodded and disappeared to get them for me. I reached for a towel and wiped my forehead off. Then something set me off and before I knew it, I had gotten rid of the rest of my dinner, luckily managing to lean over the toilet just in time. 

"Oh, Janine," I heard Claudia behind me. She pulled back my hair for me and tied in with a rubber band. Then she handed me my crackers and Sprite. I gladly took a single cracker and started nibbling it bit by bit. Claudia let me do this in silence until the wave of sickness wore off. 

"Is it always this bad?" She wanted to know. 

"Not always," I admitted. "Sometimes I think it's brought on by stress." 

"Stressful day," Claudia commented. I sighed and nodded my head. "So... what's happening with you so far? I mean, what's it like? Have you gained any weight?" 

I stood up slowly to display what I fondly had been calling "my pooch." It wasn't much yet, but since I wasn't wearing a big shirt to hide it, the slight change was much more obvious. I heard a tiny gasp from Claudia. She reached out her hand, but then drew back and looked at me. 

I laughed a little. "Go ahead. I don't mind." Claudia touched my stomach ever so gently. "If you press on it a little, it sort of feels firm way under there." Claudia barely pressed at all, as if she was scared she'd hurt me. So I took my hand and pressed hers down, showing her what I meant. She chuckled softly and her eyes sparkled with delight. 

"You're really having a baby," she sighed. "That's incredible, Janine. I always hoped that you would have a baby because I knew you would be a great mother." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah," she said. Then she looked me over again and a smirk crossed her face. "Anything else changing about you besides this little pooch?" 

I knew where she was taking this and I had to laugh at my nosy, little sister. "Yes, Claudia, it's not your imagination. My breasts are getting bigger, too." 

"Oh, Janine, just say boobs." 

"Why?" 

"_Janine,_" 

I laughed. "I've never had much of a chest... until now. I must say I rather enjoy it." 

"Woohoo," Claud retorted. "An A-cup to a B-cup." 

I tried to look mad. "Shut up." 

"And next week, a double D!" 

"Shut up!" 


	5. Starting At The Bottom

It was Monday, and James and I were back in New Haven. We both had full schedules for the week. James had a huge term paper due next week. He had been doing the research for this paper all semester, and I could tell that he was stressed beyond all reason about his upcoming graduation from law school. And then my pregnancy had added another burden on the poor guy. He deserved a medal. 

With a hug and a kiss, I told him so as we left out apartment, going our separate ways as usual. He was spending the entire day on campus, something he was doing more and more recently. I was headed in the opposite direction, across town to the New Haven Science and Engineering Magnet School. 

I got this job right after I graduated college early at Christmas. I took a few more classes after graduation, however, towards my teaching degree. I'll be completing those in May; I just needed one more semester to complete my requirements. Even though I'm already graduated. But headed for graduate school and probably more student teaching in the fall. Yeah. It's all very confusing. Even to me. 

But, as I was saying, the job I have right now is my student teaching internship at the Magnet school. Magnet schools, if you don't already know, are for students who are gifted in a particular field. The students at this school are gifted in science and engineering. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go to a school like this; I would have had a much easier time fitting in. 

Then again, I sometimes feel like these students are sheltered. We prepare these young minds by teaching them all the skills and all the knowledge that they could possibly desire. But nothing is here to prepare these kids in interacting with regular people. Most of the kids in grades six through twelve live in dorms on campus, just like a college. I've met some kids who rarely see their families. School is life. 

I sighed to myself as I entered the front hall of the building where I work. The building is really called Dewey Hall, but most of the kids just refer to it as The Einstein Shrine. For the longest time, I had no clue what the real name was. So I called it what the kids called it. 

The first person who greeted me that day was a ninth grader named Miranda Jennings. She was in Mr. Park's first block class. Miranda is one of the few exceptions to the rule. She dresses with style and sophistication that reminds me of Claudia's friend, Stacey McGill. Not only that, but she's one of the brightest girls that I've met at this school. Miranda greeted me with a smile and a hug, as usual. 

"Hey, Janine!" She was awfully cheerful for 7:30 AM. As usual. "Ready for class? I'm not. Monday drives me crazy." 

"Me, too," I laughed. "But hey, it'll be a little better than usual. You get to listen to me today." 

She gasped. "You're teaching us again?" (I had only done it a few times so far.) 

She had me laughing again. "Yes! Is that so shocking?" 

"Nah," she blushed. "What is shocking is... um, Janine, what's with the sweater and the kilt? Do you mind me asking? Going for the teacher look?" 

_If only she knew! She'll know eventually._"Uh... yeah. You got me." 

She accepted that as my answer, and wandered off to greet her friends. I was wearing my old Janine clothes today. Meaning a boring old sweater and a plain, gray kilt from my freshman year in college. My other clothes were starting to feel too tight. I didn't look different to anybody but me; still I was afraid to wear my normal clothes. I was scared that people would find out before I could tell them. The clothes from my freshman year were a size larger than my other things because I gained about ten pounds my freshman year, and then shed the pounds the following year. 

So there I was, now heading down the hall towards Mr. Park's room. In my ugly clothes. If anyone else asked, I would tell them what Miranda said about going for the teacher look. That sounded good. However, I was going to tell one person my news today. It had to be done. 

"Good morning, Janine," Mr. Park glanced up from a stack of papers, looking at me through wire-rimmed bifocals. "Ready to teach?" 

Mr. Park is a nice, older man. Like me, he is Japanese-American. His wife had taught one of my chemistry classes at Yale. That's how I met Mr. Park and eventually became his student teacher. In the past few months, James and I have formed a very close friendship with the Parks. We had become very familiar and fond, still I was nervous about giving him the news. 

"Good morning, Mr. Park," I replied. "Yes, I feel prepared. But before I show you my lesson plans and schedule, um, I need you talk to you about something." 

I must have looked pretty serious because he set the stack of papers aside and gave me his full attention. I sat in one of the student desks, gathering up all of my courage (again.) And I just said it. 

"I'm- my husband and I- are having a baby." 

In his usual calm manner, Mr. Park stood and put a hand on my shoulder. "Congratulations, Janine." 

I smiled weakly. "Thank you. However, I'm... worried." 

He nodded. "That's not uncommon for future parents to worry," he studied my face. "Would I be right in assuming that what worries you most is having a child before you've completed school?" 

I let out a sigh. "You know me too well, Mr. Park." 

"I know you well enough to know that you've always handled whatever came your way." 

"I'm afraid that this will be different," I confessed. 

Mr. Park looked thoughtful. I glanced at the clock, and saw that we had about fifteen minutes before the students started to show up. Mr. Park was quiet for so long that my mind started to wonder back to my lesson plans. I was just thinking about my first example problem when he spoke up. 

"Janine, didn't you tell me that you used to tutor your little sister who was once a poor student?" 

I nodded. "Yes. Claudia always struggled with school even though she was a very bright girl." 

"And you changed her," he went on. "When she got held back in the eighth grade, you worked with her until finally it all paid off. Because she's now an honor student. Is this all correct?" 

"Pretty much. My grandmother, Mimi and I used to alternate tutoring her. Then Mimi passed away, and helping Claudia became a full-time job for me." 

"It seems to me that your sister's success is your success. Without you, she would still be struggling to pass her classes. It was what you did for her that got her where she is today." 

I blushed. "Well, not just because of what I did..." 

"But you pointed her in the right direction. It seems to me, Janine, that your talents lie not in teaching other intellectual giants like yourself, but rather in creating intellectual giants out of ordinary students." 

"You're saying I'd be better off teaching regular high school students than students at a school like this one?" I asked, perplexed. "Or for that matter, college students?" 

"Oh, no," he assured me. "All that I am saying right now is that you should explore all your options." 

"Explore my options," I repeated, liking the sound of that. 

"You know what the beauty of it all is?" Mr. Park went on. "With the degree that you've already earned, you could go out and do that next year." 

"Teach at a regular high school?" 

"Why not? Look for a teaching job for the fall . You should still go to graduate school to earn your master's degree, but you should also realized that you can start your life without it." 

"But the baby is due in October," I informed him. "My life is already starting." 

"Well, that's an obstacle, I suppose," Mr. Park said. "But that's life." 

I sighed. 

"Janine, you're a smart girl," Mr. Park patted my back reassuringly. "You can overcome these obstacles. But you won't make it if you try to take a flying leap towards the top of the totem pole. Start at the bottom and make your way to the top." 

Starting at the bottom? Maybe my real problem was the fact that this had never occured to me. 


	6. Round Two

"Here we go," I announced. "Round two." 

James laughed nervously. We were going on yet another weekend trip to share our news, this time with the Yamakawa family in Ashfield, New York. We thought it best to tell them in person. No one in my family had spoiled that for us, thank goodness. James was a nervous wreck, of course, just like I had been. That's why I was behind the wheel this time instead of him. 

"When we get home, I need you to take another look at my research paper," James said. "I know that I've covered everything. But I still think it needs more revisions." 

"I'm flattered that you asked my opinion," I replied. We were stopped at a red light, so I took the opportunity to lean over and give him a peck. 

"You know I value your opinion more than anything." (He knew how to butter me up!) 

"You're too sweet," I retorted. 

"I'm so nervous," was his answer. Well, I had him distracted for a minute. I tried again. 

"I really hate these old clothes." 

He looked me over. "Janine, you won't be showing for another month or so. You could wear your regular clothes. You don't have to pull out those oversized things." 

"I guess I'm paranoid," I confessed. "But really, these loose clothes do feel more comfortable right now. Even if they aren't very fashionable." I let out a sigh. "I'll just be glad when everyone knows." 

"It's stressful," James agreed. 

"As if we aren't stressed enough as it is," I added. 

"And my family," James put in. "So much is going on. With the move to Stoneybrook, you know. Arranging for Will to stay in Ashfield next year is giving my parents a headache. Then there's the thing with Zach..." 

I bit my lip. "Gosh, poor Zach..." 

James absently flipped through his wallet, until he landed on a picture of the two of them together. 

"There's Zach and Sarah last year at the Spring Fling," he commented sadly. "Look at the two of them. Look at her. So beautiful." James shook his head. "It breaks my heart." 

I was trying to concentrate on the road as the tears starting blurring my vision. I wiped them away quickly. James took notice and put his arm around my shoulder. 

"Maybe getting away from Ashfield will be good for Zach," James said, sounding choked up. "There are just too many reminders, you know? They grew up together. Best friends." 

"They were so in love," I commented. "Even at thirteen." 

"I just don't understand it," he muttered. "How some drunk idiot could take the life of this beautiful, young girl. You know what the disgusting part is? The bastard wouldn't even own up to what he did in court. We didn't tell Zach this, of course. But the guy showed no remorse for what he did. None." 

I cringed at the thought. James and I fell silent. I thought of the pretty, blonde haired girl that I had only met a few times. I remembered how her smile lit up a room; I remembered her warm, outgoing personality. I remembered watching Zach looking at her, wondering if it were possible for two people this young to love each other as much as James and I loved each other. 

Then I shuddered at the thought of that awful, rainy night in January when James's father called us with the awful news. _"There was an accident. Sarah and Stephanie Gilson were in an accident involving a drunk driver. Stephanie, she broke some bones, but she's okay. But... Sarah didn't make it."_

"Here we are," James announced as I turned on to his street. "You ready?" 

"I think so," I replied. "How about you?" 

"I'm ready." He spotted Will mowing the lawn and I heard him draw in his breath. The younger brother saw James at about the same time, turned off the lawn mower, and started waving wildly. 

Before I could even turn off the ignition, Will was opening my car door for me. He offered me a hand and said, "My lady?" 

"_My_ lady, William." James tried to look stern. 

Grinning from ear to ear, Will actually helped me out of the car. Where did all these good manners come from? I wondered. Then I saw him survey me carefully when I stood up, and I narrowed my eyes, suspiciously. 

"Do you know something you're not supposed to know?" I asked him under my breath, while James was unloading our overnight bags out of the trunk. 

"Are you?" was his reply. I nearly fell over in shock; he knew! But how? There was no way he could tell right now! Not at only eleven weeks! 

"Could you tell?" I exclaimed, bewildered. Immediately, I pulled at my sweater self-consciously. 

"You are," his eyes lit up. "No, I can't tell! You look the same. Claudia told me." 

"Claudia!" I folded my arms across my chest. James appeared beside me. 

"What's wrong?" 

"_Claudia_ already told him!" I rolled my eyes. 

"It slipped out," Will assured me. "Really! We were talking on the phone and she accidentally told me. Don't worry, though. I didn't tell Mom and Dad." 

"What about..." James began. We looked up to see Zach approaching with a wide grin on his face, eyeing me the way Will had done. James and I both gave Will a Look. 

Will smiled sheepishly. "But Zach overheard me while I was on the phone." 

"Congratulations," Zach said quietly, giving me a quick hug. 

"But you didn't tell Mom and Dad, right?" James wanted to know. "Just the two of you know?" 

"Mom and Dad don't know," Zach told us. Will nodded in agreement. 

"I can't believe you're already having a baby," Will blurted out. 

"If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that," I scolded him. 

"Sorry," Will blushed. "My mouth got ahead of my brain." 

"It's okay," I said. 

"When's the baby due?" Zach wanted to know. 

"Shh!" James shushed him as his parents appeared at the doorway. 

"Come on in," Sheri, my mother in law, called to us. "I've got lunch ready. Hi, Janine! Hi, James! You hungry?" We both nodded our heads as she let us inside where the house smelled of Sheri's wonderful cooking. Immediately, I knew she had prepared spaghetti with her homemade sauce and baked apple pie for dessert. All of James's favorites. 

"This looks delicious," I told her. 

She had prepared lunch buffet style, and insisted that James and I go first. I grabbed a big piece of garlic bread and loaded my plate with spaghetti and green beans. Just earlier that day, I had been too sick to even eat breakfast. Now that the morning was over, I was famished. 

I put my food on the table and glanced over at Will. He looked at my plate, smiled, and cocked one eyebrow. I knew exactly what that look meant: "Eating for two?" 

I made a face at him and went to pour myself a glass of iced tea. And then I went back to the table and waited. Once we were all seated, then we'd drop the bomb. 

When everyone was finally sitting down, Zach suddenly asked: "Can I say a blessing?" 

James quickly lowered his forkload of spaghetti. "Oh... yeah, of course." 

Before I go on, let me stop and explain that neither my family nor the Yamakawas are very religious people. That's why we forget to pray at most meals. We attend church on some occasions, but its never been a big part of our lives. Zach, however, started attending a Baptist church with Sarah when he first began dating her. After she died, he kept going back there for support from her closest friends. He told us that he wanted to be around the people that loved her most. And ever since her death, he's been different. I'm not sure if losing his best friend or finding his faith is ultimately what changed him. But I do know that whatever is keeping Zach going must be good for him. Sometimes it makes me wonder... 

"Dear Heavenly Father," Zach prayed. "Thank You that we all could gather here together as a family. Thank You for bringing Janine and James here safely. Please bless them in their everyday lives. Thank You for this food; please nourish it to our bodies. It's in Your Holy Name we pray, Amen." 

"Amen," I glanced up at James. He bit his lip slightly and nodded. This time, we had decided, it was James's announcement to make. I only hoped that he could manage okay. 

"Family," James began formally. It certainly sounded like he had something important to say! At this, everyone put down their forks and gave James their full attention. I wanted to hide under the table. 

"Janine and I," he started again. "Well, we've been married for eight months now, nearly nine. I'm finishing law school this month, and she's starting graduate school soon. (I gave him a small smile, begging him with my eyes to get to the point a little faster!) But, um, even more exciting than all of that is... we're expecting." 

Like last time, this was met at first with silence. 

Then Sheri spoke up: "... A baby?" 

I smiled timidly, and said the first thing that popped into my head. "Surprise." 


	7. Zachary's Hope

_I think I can breathe now. It's such a relief to James and I both for our immediate family to know and accept what is happening in our lives. I just phoned Peaches. Was she ever excited! She went crazy, as usual, going on about everything. My youngest cousin, Kira, just had her first birthday. Maybe our children will grow up to be good friends. Peaches wants to loan all of her maternity clothes to me, which sounds wonderful since I wasn't exactly looking forward to buying a lot of those. Peaches had some great clothes when she was pregnant; she even got Claudia's approval! _

My in-laws are the greatest. I know the news came as a shock to Sheri, but after her initial reaction wore off, she was absolutely elated about becoming a grandmother. James's father seemed pleased as well, even though he was more subdued. Of course, Will and Zach are wonderful about everything. Sometimes it seems like they're my brothers, too. They like to look out for me. Speaking of those two, I think I need to put down my pen and use this time to catch up with them.   
  


I shut my diary with the intention to do just that. The diary that I keep is something I started recently. All of these new, strange emotions have been creeping up on me. The best thing to do, I decided, was to keep an account of my thoughts. Some things make more sense in writing. 

I peeked out of James's old bedroom, which was straight across the hall from his youngest brother's room. The door was wide open, and Zach was sitting at his computer. "Zach? Are you busy?" 

Zach looked up. "Nope. Absolutely no one is online right now." 

"Only millions of other internet gurus like yourself," I joked. 

Zach screwed up his face. "Quit outsmarting me, Janine!" 

I laughed. "Sorry!" 

He grinned. "So why don't you come in and talk to me, big sister?" 

I accepted the invitation and took a seat at the foot of his bed. Zach signed off and turned around to give me his full attention. Still smiling, he told me, "You're going to be a great mother." 

"Amazing," I replied. "That's exactly what Claudia said." 

"It's true," he said. I just blushed. 

"What have you been up to?" I asked. 

"Well, Mom and Dad just told me about moving to Stoneybrook. They told me last week, but Will and James have known for at least three weeks." 

"Yeah," I said, noting that he didn't seem happy about being the last to know. "How do you feel about that?" 

He shrugged. "I guess I'm fine with it. It doesn't seem fair that Will's going to stay here with his best friend for the next year. I understand that he doesn't want to leave during his senior year. I guess it wouldn't be right to pull him away from everything he knows and make him start over for one more year." 

I studied him closely. "Do you wish you could stay, too?" 

He looked away from me. "No, I want to go. I need to get away," he sighed. "I'm just going to miss Will. But I know that I need to get away." 

He was looking at a picture of Sarah and himself. They were sitting under the Christmas tree together, smiling and holding wrapped gifts as though about to open them. She died a month later. It had been over four months since the accident, but I saw that Zach's pain was still as strong as ever. He did need to get away from Ashfield. Zach needed to start over. 

"Sarah's birthday is in two days," Zach said softly. "She would have been fourteen." 

I bit my lip. "I'm so sorry, Zach." 

"Me, too," he sighed. "I'm still going to celebrate her birthday, though. On my own. I'm going to bake something she would have loved and blow out fourteen candles in her honor. Is that... weird?" 

"No," I gestured for him to come sit by me, and he let me hold him tightly. In awe of his strength, I told him, "That's great." 

"I know she'll be watching," Zach added. "I know she always is." 

"How do you have such a strong faith?" I had to ask, even though I felt that I should have bitten back my curiosity instead. "How do you have this hope?" 

I saw his eyes light up in a way that I hadn't seen in all these months. 

"Its funny you should ask me that, in those words," he started. "1 Peter 3:15 says that I should always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have. I believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God. Do you mind hearing what else I believe?" 

Astonished at this statement, I shook my head. "No, please tell me." 

He drew in his breath. "Okay, well, all people have sinned. Messed up. That's a fact. Do you agree so far?" 

"Yes, that's true." 

"I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He is one with God," he began. "I believe that our sin separates us from God, but that Jesus came, died for our sins on a cross, was buried, and was raised for the dead." 

"Wow, that's a lot to believe." 

He grinned. "That's not nearly all of it. I believe that Jesus had to become like us in every way. Even in death. He took to power of death away from Satan. Jesus was tempted in every way, but _still_ he was without sin. And I also know from that I've studied that he's coming again." 

"I see." 

"Did I overwhelm you with that?" 

"Slightly." 

"I didn't mean to. But we don't agree here, is that true?" 

"I just..." I trailed off for a moment. "I don't know what to say to that. That all sounds encouraging, but I'm the kind of person who needs to question everything before I'll believe it." 

"That's what I've been doing," he told me. "I've finally decided I believe. It took me months of talking to Sarah about this and going to church with her. And when she died, I stopped going for awhile and tried to forget everything she'd told me. The church tried to reach out to me, but I shut them out. I just didn't believe that God could take her from me like that and still expect me to believe in Him." 

I nodded. "And that's what confuses me. How do you believe in God after all that's happened to you?" 

Zach paused. 

"I read a story in the Bible about a man named Job," he then said. "A blameless and upright man who lost everything he had, but still believed. He was tested, but he never lost faith. I like to think that I'm a little bit like Job. I was tested when God took her away from me, that's for sure. But I take comfort in knowing that I'll get to see Sarah again one day." 

I smiled and found myself saying, "I hope you do get to see her." 

"I will," he said with confidence. "Did I tell you? Sarah's birthday -- I'm making it my birthday, too." 

"What?" 

"I'm being baptized this Sunday on her birthday. I just decided the other day that it was about time I show the world my decision. The way a wedding ring signifies marriage, you know?" He gestured to my own diamond wedding band. "I feel that baptism signifies salvation." 

"Oh," I nodded slowly, trying to look pleased while at a loss of words. 

"Acts 2:38. Repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the Gift of the Holy Spirit." He reached for his Bible. "It's in here. Will you take this? And read it if you ever want to question everything to see if you believe." 

"But that's yours," I argued. 

"I have two," he reassured me. "This one can be yours. Do you want it?" 

"I never turn down a challenge," I said, accepting his gift. "But do know this. I am Janine Kishi Yamakawa, and I will question everything. It's in my blood to do so." We both laughed. 

"Janine the Genius," Zach added. 

"Oh, no, Zachary," I punched his arm jokingly. "Don't you call me that!" 

"Good luck, Janine," he said seriously. I knew what he meant. 

"The same to you," I told him.   
  
  
_A/N: The author knows that not everyone will agree with this chapter. But she wishes to remind everyone that Zach Yamakawa is her creation, not Ann M. Martin's. And yes, his beliefs __do_ reflect those of the author. :-) 


	8. The MidPoint

_I'm sitting here on my bed getting anxious. I woke up entirely too early, I suppose. I guess that's better than waking up too late and being in a hurry. Guess what... I'm not sick this morning! And I wasn't sick yesterday either. Perhaps I'm FINALLY over it. I'd better not get too excited just yet. I might jinx myself. I am actually beginning feel the baby move. It has happened several times in the past week, and it was a tiny, fluttering feeling. I tried to let James feel when it happened last night, but he couldn't feel a thing. _

Today is a big day. For the first time, I won't just be student teaching. I'm actually the one in charge of the class. I really hope the students will like me. I know summer school has got to be awful for the students in the remedial physical science class that I'll be teaching in the morning. I would absolutely loathe having to repeat something that I failed on my first attempt. I highly doubt any of them will be interested in being there, and I can't say that I blame them. My afternoon chemistry class will be a switch. There are just eight students in the class, and they're all coming just so that they can get ahead. These students will be more like the ones I'm used to dealing with at New Haven Magnet. As for the rest -- just think the exact opposite, and you've got it. 

I've got to make a good first impression today because first impressions are lasting ones. I feel confident in my abilities as a teacher. I just have to let everyone else know that. Now I even have a certificate on the wall to prove myself. Three cheers for that! 

In other news, I actually look pregnant today. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm glad. Seriously. I no longer need to tell people. This would be week 20. The mid-point. Wow.   
  


After putting away my diary and pen, I stood up and surveyed myself in the full-length mirror. I had to laugh. It was the blouse that made the statement. Aunt Peaches had given me her entire maternity wardrobe last month. She informed me that I would be much more comfortable in those things. However, I didn't start wearing them right away. I waited just a few more weeks until someone outside of my own family noticed a difference in me. Then I tried on the clothes; Peaches was right. 

Right now, I was wearing khaki crop pants (Capri? I don't know what to call them.) with a really comfortable, super-stretchy elastic waistband. My blouse was a pale green shirt that flared out at the waist and had strings that tied in the back. That way it was adjustable. A shirt like that just screams: "Pregnant lady coming through!" 

I finished putting on my makeup, which simply consists of blush, lipstick, and lipgloss. I don't care for eyeliner, eyeshadow, or mascara. Also, I don't bother with foundation since my complexion has always been clear. However, I've heard that pregnancy often causes (ugh) acne. I really hope that doesn't happen to me. Then I guess I would have to start wearing it. 

The funny thing is that my _little sister_ was the one to teach me about makeup. 

I put on silver hoop earrings, my watch, and my wedding ring. Then I slipped on my comfy, brown leather sandals and headed into the kitchen. I could smell something delicious. James was making breakfast this morning. To my delight, he had prepared French toast topped with strawberries. 

"To celebrate your first day on the job," James told me, bringing my plate to the table when I sat down. Of course, that deserved a kiss, and he received one immediately. "You look..." 

"Pregnant?" I supplied. 

"Well... yes." 

"It's the shirt," I informed him. 

He laughed. "You also look nice. Ready for teaching summer school?" 

"I hope so," I said, sipping my orange juice. "This is my life for the next three months. At least I know how to help student that's struggling. Thanks to all those years of helping Claudia." 

"And look where she is now," James reminded me. I smiled fondly. Claudia recently received her last report card of her junior year in the mail. She received all A's and B's! And nothing even remotely close to a C. It's her best report card ever, and she told me that she's looking forward to doing even better next year. She amazes me, and inspires me more than anything. 

"The difference is that I'll only have these kids for six weeks," I said. "And then the next six weeks, I get to start over again with a fresh batch of students. There's not much time." 

"What about that chemistry class?" James wanted to know. 

"That's just for the first session," I told him. "The class has eight students. Eight students who actually want to be there. That's more than I can say for the others..." My voice trailed off. 

"You sure you're up to this?" 

I sat up straight. "Of course! I mean, I'd better be. Right?" 

"Sure. Gosh, but you're going to be busy. Because then you've got your evening classes to take," James sighed. "Will I ever get to see you, dear?" 

"You're just as busy as I am," I gently reminded him. 

It was true. Even before graduation, James was offered a job. Naturally, he took it and started as soon as he possibly could. Dr. Lancaster, one of his former professors, was looking to hire a graduate from Yale Law to be his summer associate. James applied months in advance and didn't hear any news until right before graduation. 

The news literally saved James from himself. James has a tendency to make himself sick with worry. Once when he was in high school, he gave himself an ulcer over final exams. That landed him in the hospital. With all the stress he had been under, I was afraid that he would buckle under the pressure again, and history would repeat itself. The good news came just in time. 

"What are you doing today?" 

"Dr. Lancaster asked me to do some research on campus," James said, grinning. "I'm his lackey." 

"His well-paid lackey," I reminded him. 

He gulped down the last of his milk, leaving a milk-mustache across the top of his lip. "Yep." 

I wiped it away for him. "By the way, I didn't get a chance to tell you something the other day..." 

"Oh!" He looked as though he suddenly remembered. "I should have asked. Did you set up an appointment with the doctor?" 

Leave it to James to pick up on my thoughts. A smile spread across my face. 

"I did. It's tomorrow morning, and we're doing the ultrasound. That's still good for you, right?" 

"It's fine." His eyes shone when he spoke. 

"We'll soon know what we're having." I touched the small swell in my abdomen. 

"Unless our little boy decides to be shy," James said. 

"Little boy?" I exclaimed. "You think it's a boy? Why?" 

He smiled. "My mother only had boys." 

"Your reasoning is flawed," I argued. "Your hypothesis is based on assumptions that cannot be proven because they are rooted in imprecise evidence and dubious speculation." 

"I love it when you talk dictionary to me," was his witty reply. "So I guess you think it's a girl?" 

"I suppose we'll know tomorrow," I said, dodging the question. "If all goes as planned." 

"Tomorrow then." James was just as slick. "Okay, I have something that _I_ didn't get a chance to tell you. (I glanced at my watch) We've got time, Janine." He sounded slightly annoyed. 

I blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. Go on." 

"Well, I was looking at your day planner, and I noticed that the second session of summer school lets out near the end of August. And your summer classes end around that time, too." 

"Yes," I said, smiling at him suspiciously. "But you already knew that." 

"Our first anniversary falls on the Sunday after you complete summer finals," he needlessly reminded me. "What if I took off for that whole week, and you and I did something special to celebrate?" 

I beamed at him. "What did you have in mind?" 

He paused. "Um, a surprise. A surprise vacation." (Okay, so he hadn't thought it all out just yet. Still, the idea of a surprise vacation for our anniversary sounded enchanting. I'd be well into my seventh month by then, but I was sure that it wouldn't stop me.) 

Still beaming, I told him, "That sounds like an ideal way to celebrate the occasion." 

An ultrasound. A vacation. And... no morning sickness. I wanted to jump for joy. Our conversation over breakfast put me in the greatest of moods and gave me the fuel I needed to get through my first day of teaching summer school. 


	9. New Faces

**A/N: At long last, chapter 9! Sorry for the wait.**

  
  
  


"Thank you, Mrs. Yamakawa." A petite red-haired girl stopped to talk to me while the rest of the remedial science students were scrambling out of the door as soon as the morning bell rang. "I know this is just the first day and everything is supposed to be pretty simple, but I really liked the way you explained all of the groundwork. I don't have a very good grasp of the basics. That's why I'm here in the first place." 

"Well, I hope I can help you out." I grinned from ear to ear, pleased that I seemed to be doing an okay job of teaching thus far. It really made my day to hear this girl say that I had already helped her. If only I could remember her name... 

"Me, too, " said the girl. "I really need to pass this class. I'm going to be a sophomore next year, and I really hate the thought of being stuck in the freshman science class again." 

The discouraged look in her eyes told me that she'd really been struggling with school, and my heart went out to her. "I know you do. I can tell that it really matters to you. Um, I'm sorry, but I seem to have forgotten you name. Could you tell me again?" 

"Of course," She smiled. "I couldn't remember the names of twenty other people in one day, either. Of course, maybe that's because I never remember anything. I'm Natalie. Natalie Jennings." 

"Nice to meet you," I said. "Hey, I taught a girl at New Haven Magnet named Miranda Jennings. By any chance, is she related to you? 

"My cousin," Natalie said, sighing a little. "Yes, Miranda, the genius. Miranda tutors me sometimes. But I just don't think I can learn from her. She tries to explain stuff to me, but it never sinks in. I don't know what's wrong with me." 

"Hey, nothing's wrong with you," I tried to reassure her. "You just need to get a grasp of the basics, like you said. And before you know it, you'll be caught up and ready to learn more." 

She looked doubtful. And I so desparately wanted to change that. 

I watched her go with a sigh, wondering what I would do if Natalie Jennings was simply unable to pass my class. What if the students tried, but failed again, anyway? It would be as though _I_ had failed if I didn't help these students. 

Before lunch, I sat down at my desk and updated my lesson plans. We had not gotten around to everything that I had wanted to accomplish today. While I scribbled down a few changes, something very interesting happened. 

I suddenly felt a very _strange_ sensation in my belly; it felt as though the baby was rolling over! It was so odd that I stood up straight and stuck my hand on my stomach. Usually all I can feel are soft flutters; this certainly was the first time I had ever felt such a strong movement! 

After fixing my lesson plans, I meandered down to the teachers lounge for lunch. I opened the refrigerator, and took out the chicken caesar salad and fruit that I brought for lunch. When I brought it to the table, I was greeted by two teachers, the only other people in the lounge at the moment. I had met a few of the other teachers already. I thought I recognized one of these ladies as someone to whom I had been previously introduced. However, no names came to mind. 

"When are you due?" The one that I thought I recognized had her eyes glued to my middle. 

I was starting to notice more and more people doing that. I was also starting to feel incredibly self-conscious about it. I've never been comfortable with having people stare at me. A few weeks ago, they were probably all thinking, "Is she?" Now they were all thinking, "Oh, yeah. She's pregnant, alright. Wonder when she's due." 

But, goodness. The staring was becoming almost too much for me to take. 

"October 24th," I answered automatically. "Or, you know... around then." 

"Do you know what you're having?" 

"Not yet," I answered. Then I wisely added, "My husband and I just might know tomorrow morning when we go for an ultrasound." 

"You're drinking milk," the other teacher noted. "That's good. Make sure you get plenty of vitamin C, dear. And folic acid. I made sure to get plenty of that when I was expecting." 

"Same here," the first one agreed. 

I just nodded politely and sat down with my fruit and salad. Both of the ladies were much older than I was; I would guess that they were both in their late forties or early fifties. (Of course, I wouldn't _dare_ to ask!) 

"I'm sorry dear, I can't seem to remember how to say your last name." 

I swallowed a bite of my salad. "Yamakawa," I said. "Janine Yamakawa. You may call me Janine. And I'm terribly sorry, but I cannot seem to recall your names." 

"Sharon Sanders," she said. And then she added: "Call me Sharon. I teach English." 

"Carla Granger. Call me Carla." The other lady spoke up again."And I'm a math teacher. Right now, I'm teaching a remedial Geometry course, but during the school year, I teach Calculus and Trig." 

"Pleased to meet you both," I said. 

Sharon smiled. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, Janine, but you look awfully young. I almost would have mistaken you for one of the students if I didn't know better." 

I nodded politely, taking that comment in stride. Sharon looked a little embarrassed, and I knew she had not said it to be rude. She was merely curious. Indeed, I did look young enough to be one of the high school students. And I had noticed that we had a handful of pregnant students; some of them were probably trying to graduate early. I could have easily passed for one of those girls. No wonder I was getting so many funny looks. 

"I'm twenty-one," I admitted. Carla and Sharon looked even more curious. "I started college a year early. So I'm already finished and now I'm in graduate school. I've done some student teaching at New Haven Science and Engineering Magnet. And that's how I landed this job." 

Carla and Sharon seemed content with this answer. And so was I. I also had the distinct feeling that although these ladies were practically old enough to be my mother, we would become friends over the next few months. And I also felt like I could learn from them on many levels; I knew they would be more than willing to tell me about teaching and about pregnancy, the two things that most consumed my life at present.   
  
* * *   
  


And here came my next set of classmates. I remained seated behind my desk and watched my afternoon Chemistry class enter the room. Just eight students, five girls and three boys, all of them looking to get ahead. A couple of the boys came in, talking loudly, and they sat down at one of the round tables. Then three of the girls came in together and took another table. One more boy came in, holding hands with a girl, and they took a table to themselves. 

Then a tired-looking girl slowly entered the room. Upon her arrival, the other students took a moment to stare at her, and then went back to talking amongst themselves. She sat down with the two boys, not saying anything to either of them. 

The girl was pregnant. Very pregnant. 

I rose from where I was seated and took my place, standing in front of the class. I wrote my name on the board. "Hi. My name is Mrs. Yamakawa. I know that's hard to say; some of my students actually like to call me Mrs. Y. That's fine with me as well. I know you're all here because you want to be--" 

"Was forced to be," muttered one of the boys. 

"Had to be," noted the pregnant girl, sadly. She had spoken so softly that I don't think the other students even heard her. But I did. My eyes met hers and her eyes met mine. I saw her survey my belly and present me with a tiny smile. I smiled back, and in those few seconds, a bond between us had formed. Even before I knew her name. 

"Regardless of why you're here," I went on. "I have a lot to teach you in these six weeks. First thing, however, I'll check roll and see if I can remember names." I whipped out the roll sheet. "Caleb Aston." 

"Here." 

"Bethany Carter." 

"Here." 

This continued with each student. Hannah Eastland, Daniel Huggins, Laura Littlefield, Andrea Miller, Scott Parker... 

"Grace Taylor." 

The pregnant girl smiled meekly and simply raised her hand. Again, I smiled back and marked her present. Then without further delay, class began. And I can say that it went rather well. I felt that I had started off on the right foot with my students. 

But at the end of the day, I had my mind on two students and nothing else. Driving home, I thought only of Natalie Jennings and Grace Taylor. The baby rolled over again while I was waiting at a red light, but I was so lost in thought that I hardly even took notice. 


	10. Congratulations, It's A

Ultrasound Day. James and I had been thinking about this day for a long time. In fact, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was immediately wondering if I was having a boy or a girl. I had only had one ultrasound before this one, and all that had been determined was the fact that I was just carrying one baby, not two or three. 

Now, at long last, our day had come. I was seated rather impatiently on the examination table, perched on the edge. James looked uncomfortable in the hard plastic chair. We both looked anxious. 

"So," James began, eager to start up a conversation while we waited for the doctor. "You never really told me how your first day of teaching went." 

"Well, I think things are off to a nice start..." 

I told him about my two classes, the remedial science class in the morning and the Chemistry class in the afternoon. Both classes were _two and a half hours long _(9:00-11:30, thirty minutes for lunch, and then 12:00-2:30), and it was already proving to be an enormous task to hold my students' attention for such a large expanse of time. Especially in the morning when I knew my students would be tempted to fall asleep. James agreed. Then I told him about meeting all of my students and getting to know some of the teachers. He laughed when I told him how I had been mistaken for one of the students, and I shook my head at him. 

"It isn't funny," I complained. "I don't like having people mistaking me for a pregnant teenager." 

He stopped laughing. "Oh, I see. Sorry, Janine." He paused. "Most women would see looking younger as a blessing. Maybe in a twenty years, you'll be able to enjoy it." 

"Maybe." I stared at my feet, thinking about something else. "A girl in my afternoon chemistry class is pregnant. She looks like she's pretty far along, too. She seems really ashamed and scared. I could see it in her eyes when she first walked in my classroom." 

James sighed. "That's such a hard thing for a teenage girl to go through. I hope she's not going through it alone. I mean, I hope someone is there for her." 

"I really want to be there for her," I said. Then I jumped a little bit when I felt that strange sensation of movement way down inside of me. I put a hand to my belly and smiled contentedly. 

"Is it moving, again?" He put his hand on my stomach and got his answer. That goofy smile spread across his face. I adjusted his hand to the spot where the activity could really be felt. 

"There," I said. "Feel him or her moving around? Isn't that neat?" 

"Wow," was all he said. We both stared at my belly for a moment. 

"There's some old wives' tale," I began. "About being able to tell the baby's sex just by how I'm carrying him or her. They say girls look more like watermelons, sort of wide. And boys look like basketballs, forward and out. I'd say... watermelon." 

"Basketball," James said at the same time. I gave him a puzzled look. 

But before we could further discuss the shape of my belly, Dr. Caldwell entered the room. He's been my doctor from the beginning, and I felt pretty comfortable with him already. I was already getting a little sick of being poked and prodded, but I was beginning to get used to it, and consequently, I looked forward to my appointments with great anticipation. And I had been looking forward to _this_ appointment, as you know, for quite some time. 

He greeted us both, made some small talk, asked some questions... and then came the good part. 

"Just lay back and try to relax," Dr. Caldwell told me. Relax? Easier said than done. First of all, I needed to pee. I had been told to drink plenty of water and fill up my bladder. Supposedly, this would get us better results on the ultrasound. Secondly, the room was dim and chilled to a rather frigid temperature; this also was done in order to get good results. Needless to say, being cold and needing badly to use the restroom had put me on edge. And it had made the baby restless, too; he or she was moving around non-stop. 

I raised up my shirt, and the doctor smeared that conductive jelly on my bare skin. It was cold, too, and I shivered a little at this. He then did something to the machine; I guess he was turning it on. He also put in the blank tape that James and I had brought to record everything. As soon as he placed the transducer on my belly, an image of our baby appeared on the screen. 

"Instant baby!" Dr. Caldwell announced. He then gestured to the screen. "There's the head. And a little hand. Looks like we've got a thumb-sucker." James and I laughed a little, and Dr. Caldwell continued to move the transducer around. "Two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes. And I'm going to give you a rough estimate of the baby's weight... roughly 14 oz." 

"That seems a little big, doesn't it?" James commented. I silently agreed. 

"Not necessarily," Dr. Caldwell reassured us. "Babies hit growth spurts at different times." 

And for the next fifteen minutes or so, the doctor spent some time letting us listen to the baby's heartbeat and checking things like the amount of amniotic fluid in the uterus. (It was fine.) Basically, he checked to ensure that our baby was still growing safely inside of me. This was all necessary information; however... 

"Would you like to know the gender?" Dr. Caldwell asked finally. 

"Yes, please--" 

"Alright. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Yamakawa, it's a--" 

"Wait!" 

"What?" The interruption had come from James, who was looking at the image of our baby just as anxiously as I was. What could explain his sudden outburst of hesitation? 

"Janine," James spoke directly to me. "Do we really want to know yet? I mean, from what I've heard, it can be _more_ exciting to wait it out and then see what you get when the baby is born." 

"Well, perhaps so," I began. "But it would be more _practical_ to go ahead and find out. Then we could tell everyone, and they would know what kind of things to buy for when I have a baby shower. And _we_ would know what kind of things we should buy and what names to look at..." 

"But the fun of waiting would be over," James argued. "Besides, not knowing the sex might give _you_ an incentive to push when you're in labor." 

"I think the contractions would be a pretty good incentive on their own, Mr. Yamakawa," Dr. Caldwell gently reminded my husband. 

"But don't you want it to be a surprise?" James suddenly seemed very gung-ho about _not_ finding out the baby's sex, and he was beginning to make ME uncertain as to whether I really wanted to know at this exact minute. 

"I don't know," I huffed. "Now I'm totally confused." 

At this, Dr. Caldwell spoke up. "I may have a solution to this problem if either of you are interested." 

We both nodded vigorously. 

The doctor smiled. "Well, I am able to tell you the sex of your baby. The test results are about 95% accurate in most cases. But in your case, I can be fairly sure. (He chuckled.) Luckily for you both, you seem to have a very active little one today." He paused a moment to let this sink in with us and went on. "Now, here's what I propose we do. I can simply write down on a piece of paper whether you are expecting a boy or a girl. I can slip that paper in an envelope and send you home with that. This way, it is up to both of you to decide whether or not you want to find out." 

I looked at James. He looked at me. 

Then I smiled. "That sounds good to me." 

"Me too." James agreed. 

We headed out the door, down the hallway, and into the waiting room with a video tape of the ultrasound, a prescription for more prenatal vitamins, and the envelope containing the answer to our question... 

And do you think that for one second that two inquiring, curious minds like ours could actually let this question go unanswered? _Hell, no!_

James tore the envelope out of my hands. 

I squealed, "Open it! Open it!" while bobbing up and down impatiently. 

He ripped it open, pulled out the piece of paper, unfolded it... 

"IT'S A GIRL!" 

The entire waiting room starting applauding. No kidding. It was one of those unforgettable moments that we would tell our grandchildren about. James held me tightly in his arms, and I'm pretty sure both of us were crying tears of joy. 


	11. Amazing Grace

A/N: Tell me what you think. No reviews = bad case of writers block.   
  
  


_As my first week of teaching draws to a close, I am really worn down. The task of teaching these classes is massive. I feel pressure coming at me from all sides. We'll start with remedial science. Some of these students seem hopeless, but I'm not giving up on them. And then there's Natalie, or should I say, Claudia? It is odd how much she reminds me of my sister. But if Claudia can come out on top, so can Natalie. We talked about this today, actually, after class. Then I helped her do the first few problems of her homework assignment, and told her to call Miranda. In fact, I may call Miranda myself so that she can keep Natalie in check. Anyhow, back to the pressure. Then there's the Chemistry class; my word, how can you cover this subject in six weeks? Well, in short, you cannot. Luckily, these students are all advanced, or at least determined. Since they have been covering this material in an online course, my job is really only to give them some one-on-one preparation for the AP exam that they'll be taking to get dual credit for this class. Still. What an enormous task. I'd better go; just thirty minutes for lunch._   


I closed my journal and slipped it into my purse. I was still devoted to keeping that journal. 

I felt like a little kid again as I opened my brown paper bag and removed a sandwich, an apple, and a granola bar. I probably should have been eating more than that. I also had bought a soda that day, which was part of the reason why I did not take my lunch down to the teachers' lounge. Though I liked Carla and Sharon, I got the impression that they looked down on me. Perhaps I made them uncomfortable because I was pregnant at young age or because I was working while I was pregnant. ("You really should be getting more rest, dear!") At any rate, I was desperately craving a Cherry Coke, and did not want to hear them tell me that I ought to be drinking milk or juice. 

I took a sip of my much-awaited soft drink and closed my eyes. "Ah, this is the life." 

Someone giggled. Opening my eyes, I took in first the shape of the person standing in my doorway, then the person's face. Grace Taylor was smiling shyly at me. 

I smiled back. "Shh! Don't tell Mrs. Sanders and Mrs. Granger that you saw me drinking soda." 

"It's okay." Grace held up her own soft drink, also a Cherry Coke. "I crave 'em, too." 

"Have a seat," I said, noticing that she had her own sack-lunch in her hand. "I could use some company." She sat down at one of the round tables, and I moved to join her. 

"You're so lucky to be having a girl," was the first thing she said. After my appointment on Tuesday morning, (It was now Friday.) I had announced my news to everyone at school. 

I laughed. "Thanks. I think so, too!" Then I cautiously added, "What are you having?" 

I had not asked Grace anything about her pregnancy until now. 

Grace bit her lip and quietly told me. "Boys. Two boys." 

I gasped a little. I could not help it. Grace Taylor was having twins? This was news to me. 

She sighed. "I know. You probably thought I was farther along, too, because I'm so huge. I'm due at the end of the summer. Actually, I'm due right around the time when school would have started. Except it won't be starting for me because I'm graduating early." (I thought so.) "I just need this credit and then my history credit -- that's the class I take in the mornings before your class. Then I'm done." 

"Wow," I said softly. "Grace -- I had no idea. How are you doing? Are you okay?" 

"Physically, it's really hard," she told me. "I guess seventeen-year-olds weren't meant to carry twins because it has been really difficult. Especially now. My doctors are all afraid that my babies will be born prematurely, and I am, too. As soon as these classes are over, they're putting me on bed-rest." 

I nodded slowly, not sure what to say. From the looks of her, it had been harder than anything I could even imagine. Already, I grew tired easily and experienced back pain, and I was a mere twenty-one weeks along and carrying just one baby. Grace was settled back in her chair which was pushed away from the table to make room for her still-growing belly that somehow contained two babies. 

"Tell me, Grace," I began. "How are you, emotionally? Are you holding up?" I had to ask because if she wasn't, it was clearly my job to help her. If there was no one else for her to go to, she should be able to go to me, her teacher. Even if the only thing I could do was listen to her problems. 

"You want to hear the whole story?" 

"As long as you have time to eat your lunch," I gently told her. 

She took a bit of her sandwich and chewed it. Then she swallowed. Looking thoughtful, she heaved a big sigh. Then she began her story: 

"I used to be a different person. I lived completely for myself and totally in the moment. I did basically whatever I wanted to and didn't worry about who I was hurting. I ended up hurting a lot of people, mainly myself and my family, because I was careless. 

"Basically, I partied. I drank. I smoked. Had sex with a bunch of guys. But the whole time I was doing this, I felt like something big was missing in my life. It was like I had a hole inside of me that I tried to fill up by doing things that I knew, deep down inside, were wrong. I was really messed up. 

"Then I met a really cool friend. Her name was Deidre, and on the outside she looked pretty much like me. We both wore a lot of black and sort of grungy-looking punker stuff. She even smoked, like me, but she said she was trying really hard to quit. The thing that was cool about Deidre was that she was a Christian." 

I leaned forward, with growing interest. Her comment took my back to my visit with Zach several weeks ago when he had talked to me about Christianity and given me his Bible. I had been really caught up with things since then, and had not read much of anything, even though I told Zach that I would. 

She went on. "I didn't think it was cool that Deidre was a Christian at first. She wouldn't drink with me at parties, and even though I knew she wanted to take a cigarette when I offered it to her, she always refused it. And she was always trying to get me to go to church with her, which got on my nerves. 

"So one day, just so she would leave me alone, I agreed to go on a church retreat with her. I thought maybe that would be okay since it wasn't exactly church. And it would get me away from my parents and my little brother for the weekend. So I went. And that's when my life started to change. 

"It didn't happen right away. But I started going to youth group stuff with Deidre, and that's when I started to think that maybe God could fill up the hole in my life. I was still living for myself, though. But then I went on another trip with her youth group right before Christmas time. While I was on that trip, I could really feel the Spirit moving in me, telling me I needed to turn my life around. And that's when I decided to give it all to God." 

"So you turned your life around when you found your faith?" 

"Yes, I did." She sighed deeply then and rested a hand on her belly. "But old mistakes came back to haunt me. A week after I got saved, I found out that I was pregnant. Didn't know who the father was; still don't. Then, increasing the blow, was the news that I was carrying twins. Twin boys with no father." 

We were both crying at this point, and yes, I had done a lot of that lately. And whether or not the hormones were to blame, I'm not really sure on some accounts. But I do know that it made me hurt to see how much Grace appeared to be hurting. I could hardly stand to look at her. How could God give so many troubles to a girl who had just given her life to Him? It made absolutely no sense to me. So I asked her... 

"Why do you think this happened to you?" 

This is what she said: "I read a story in the Bible about a man named Job. A blameless and upright man who lost everything he had, but still believed. He was tested, but he never lost faith. I like to think that I'm a little bit like Job." 

I looked up at Grace, stunned at what she had just said. _Where have I heard that before? Zach... didn't Zach tell me that?_

She chuckled, unaware that she had left me completely awestruck with those words, and went on. 

"I mean, I'm certainly not blameless and upright. Not then, anyway. Now that I'm saved by God's grace, well, I know that I am a pure and blameless child in His eyes. Washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. And since I know that, I also know that God's going to get me through this." 

The bell rang, and we both wiped tears out of our eyes. She stood up and noticed that she had only taken one bite of her sandwich. She and I laughed rather uncomfortably. I had not touched my food either. 

"Well," I said. "You especially need your nutrition. I may be eating for two, but you're eating for three. Why don't you eat your lunch during class? I don't mind." 

"Thank you, Mrs. Yamakawa," she said. Andrea and Hannah came in just then. I would have liked to say something, but even if I had the chance, I'm not sure what it would have been. 

I took a moment to recover at my desk while the rest of the students came into the classroom. And a song came into my mind. A very sweet song soothed me for just a moment.   
  
_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.   
That saved a wretch like me.   
I once was lost, but now I'm found.   
Was blind, but now I see._


	12. Happy Birthday, Claudia!

**5 weeks later.  
The weekend of Claudia's Birthday.  
*A/N: Claud's Birthday is July 11th***   
  
  


"Janine, what happened to your ankles?" 

Dazed, I looked down at my feet. I was wearing black flip-flops. And my poor ankles had practically disappeared because of all the swelling. Not only the fact that I was six months pregnant in the middle of July, but also added to that, the fact that I had been teaching two classes and then attending two classes at Yale in the evenings was taking effect. Being stuck sitting down in an uncomfortable chair during long classes was why my ankles were swelling up every now and then, according to my doctor. 

"It's hideous, isn't it?" I moaned. Following my doctor's orders, I propped my feet up on the picnic table. Propping up my feet theoretically would relieve the swelling. My concerned mother leaned over the table to give my ankles a quick, soothing rub. 

Meanwhile, the entire family was getting everything ready to surprise my little sister. It was just a small party with the family, but I knew that it always meant the world to Claudia to have us all together. 

The Yamakawa clan also happened to be moving into their new house in Stoneybrook during the same week. (Except for Will, of course, who was still going to be living with a friend in Ashfield. He was with his parents and his younger brother, helping them get settled.) 

And James and I had the chance to escape our busy lives and hectic schedules, and just enjoy spending time with the whole family all at once. That had not happened the entire time I had been pregnant. I'm not sure when the last time was, but it had been at least six months since we had all been together. 

So here's the picture of our entire family (minus Claudia, at the moment) together at last: We were all sitting in the Kishi backyard, where a couple of picnic tables had been set out under a shade tree. 

Sheri (my mother-in-law) was putting the finishing touches on a birthday cake that she had baked for Claudia. She was spelling out "Happy Birthday, Claudia!" in chocolate and white frosting on a home- made cookie cake. It looked exactly like the kind of cake that costs a fortune if you get it from a bakery. 

Mom didn't stay put and rub my ankles for very long. Her cell phone rang, and she got up to answer it. It was Claudia. Mom had actually sent her to the grocery store while the rest of us came over and set up her party in the backyard. (We had been previously stationed at the Yamakawas'.) Claud wanted to know why Mom wanted chips and soft drinks. Our parents have never been fond of junk food. Mom made up a very clever excuse, telling Claudia that she was getting it for an open-house party that she planned to throw for the Yamakawas. She blushed a little when she caught my eye and saw my raised eyebrows. 

"All for a good cause," she said. 

The Yamakawa brothers and I were sitting at one of the picnic tables. Our fathers sat at the other. James was telling his brothers a few funny stories about interning. Will talked about moving in with his best friend, Tony. Zach seemed to be okay with his new home in Stoneybrook so far. 

"How did finals go? Did they pass?" Zach wanted to know. I had been keeping him updated through email. He knew all about the classes that I had been teaching. And he had been talking to me about moving out of Ashfield. 

"I had a really impressive passing rate with the remedial science class," I announced proudly. "I was so proud of Natalie. She managed to make a B in the class, and she said she feels like she can do really well in her sophomore science class this fall. I don't know about my chemistry students, yet. They took the Advanced Placement exam, you know, and those scores won't be in for another month or so. I'm dying to know, especially about Grace." 

"How is Grace?" Zach wanted to know. I had said plenty about her. 

"She's fine," I said. "Well, fair; she's fair. I'm pretty sure she passed the exam because she was one of the best students in the class. But we'll have to wait and see. She and I have been attending some parenting classes together. And a couple of times, we tried yoga. They have this yoga class for pregnant ladies at a nearby fitness center." 

Will snickered. I made a face and sitting to the left of him, James gave his little brother a tweak on the ear. To his right, Zach did the same thing. Then we all started laughing. The Yamakawa brothers always kept me entertained. 

For a brief moment, I almost wished I was having a boy. Then I remembered that I had wanted a girl all along. A boy would have been okay, but my heart had been set on having a little baby girl to dress up in cute little dresses. She'd grow up playing with dolls and having tea parties, and playing games that were usually quiet. You cannot have that kind of peace and quiet when you're raising little boys... 

"She's home!" Mom exclaimed. We could all hear Claudia pulling into the driveway in her classic '67 Mustang that she'd been driving for the past two years. "Hide!" 

So the rest of us got up and "hid" in a little corner of the yard that was hidden by the house. Mom went inside to greet Claudia and lure her into the backyard. As planned, Mom brought Claudia into the backyard, let her take in the stack of gifts and cake for a brief moment, and then the rest of us popped out of our hiding place and yelled, "Surprise!" 

"Augh!" Claudia jumped up and down, truly surprised. She was wearing one of her typical Claudia ensembles today; a yellow t-shirt underneath a navy-blue buttoned down Boy Scout shirt that she had found at Goodwill. It even had a bunch of patches sewn on it, and it fit Claudia exactly right. She had on a pair of jeans that she'd cut off to display her ankles and her converse sneakers without socks. But more interesting than that was what Claudia had done to her hair! 

"When did you cut it?" I wanted to know when she came to greet me and give me a hug. "And... red streaks! You've got red streaks in your hair! Are they permanent?" 

"Yes! Hahaha!" Claudia got a kick out of my reaction. I glanced over at Mom, who shook her head slightly, but didn't look bothered by Claud's wild hairstyle. "I got it done last week. I surprised everyone with my new look at Mallory Pike's slumber party. I knew you'd be visiting for my birthday, and thought I would surprise you, too. But you guys surprised me!" 

"Well, I love it," I told her. 

"You do not!" 

"Yes, I do!" I protested. "Seriously. It's an ideal expression of your um... creativity." 

"Thanks!" She laughed. "Look at your belly! Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in awhile, huh? Wow, look at you!!!" I'm sure I was blushing a good bit while Claudia took a moment to make a huge fuss over me. I guess it is a really exciting thing to see your older sister pregnant. And we had not even told the family the news about having a girl yet, even though James and I had known for weeks! We were waiting for a moment like this to tell everyone. And I knew exactly how I'd go about it... 

"You want to feel her kick?" I offered. Claudia nodded anxiously, not catching the pronoun that I had casually tossed in. As I was letting Claudia feel where the little foot was softly kicking, I glanced up and looked at my mother. She had caught what I said, and her lips were parted slightly. After a moment, Claudia caught on as well. 

"Her?" Claudia's eyes met mine. I smiled. "Oh, my lord, you're having a girl?!" 

Upon hearing this, everyone got excited and all started talking to me and James at once. It was quite a reaction! After receiving such attention, I was feeling guilty because the focus was supposed to be on Claudia and her birthday. 

Luckily, Claudia didn't seem to mind, and I was soon forgotten when Sheri lit the candles on Claudia's cake and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to my eighteen year old "little" sister. (She was slightly taller than I was so I could hardly see it fit to call her that anymore.) Claud blew out the candles, and the cake was served. 

Claudia then had three presents stacked on the table to open, one from Will and Zach, one from Sheri and Joseph, and one from James and I. James and I gave her a CD organizer (because she always puts her CDs all over her dresser), and James burned a CD for her after I told him what kind of music my sister seemed to like. James took it from there and assured me she would love it. 

Where was Mom and Dad's present? 

"Claud," Mom began. "We wanted to get you something extra special this year. And we also wanted to get something special for Janine and James as an anniversary gift. So we decided to get you kids the same thing." She glanced over at James and me. "So, Happy early-Anniversary." 

"What is it?" Claudia and I asked at the same time. 

"Well, first let me say that the anniversary gift to James and Janine is from Joseph and Sheri as well," Mom said. "James told us that he wanted to do something special for your anniversary, like take a vacation. Tell her everyone what you told me, James." 

"I told you," James began. "That I thought Janine and I would have a nice time if I took off work, and we went to Sea City. And I knew that Claudia had been there before so I wanted you to find out about it." 

"And that gave me an idea of my own," Mom smiled. "So I asked James if he wouldn't mind my stealing his gift idea... and if he would allow me to arrange a trip to Sea City for the whole family!" 

"Sea City?" Claudia exclaimed, clearly thrilled out of her mind. 

"Are we going, too?" Will wanted to know. 

"We're going, too," Sheri answered. 

"You knew all along?" I asked James. He kissed my cheek. 

"It's okay, isn't it?" He whispered his question in my ear. "That it won't be just us." 

I kissed him back. "Yes. It's okay."   
  
  
(A/N: Thank you, Greer, for those great ideas!) 


	13. Why This Road?

August had just begun, and we were now three weeks into the second session. Thus far, the second session had been easier on me since I was teaching only one class in the mornings (just remedial science, no chemistry). Then I had the afternoons to rest up before my evening classes at Yale. 

The further my pregnancy progressed, the more my doctor encouraged me to rest. During the first session, all I could do was laugh and say, "When?" During the second session, once the advanced placement chemistry exams were over, I finally managed to slow down (a little.) 

Preparing my students for the exams was a stressful ordeal. Worrying about myself and whether I'm doing things right is hard enough on its own; combined with worrying about my students, I was a wreck. I could only do so much to help the students. On test day, of course, they were completely on their own. All I could do was stand by and watch. And worry. 

I have actually tested out of some things myself; I earned credit by examination for both English literature and language and both micro- and macroeconomics. (I could not test out of any science courses since that was my major.) It was a quick and inexpensive way to earn credit... as long as the student managed to pass. Otherwise, the student forked over a lot of money and ended up with nothing to show for it. 

Last week, we received the results of the AP exams. Six out of my eight chemistry students had passed the exam! Grace made a four, on a scale of one to five. A three or above was passing. Grace immediately called me when her scores came in. 

"Janine, I passed!" She had screeched into the receiver. (She had been calling me Janine, instead of Mrs. Yamakawa.) "I got a four!" 

She had called me from the hospital. That's right, _the hospital._ She went in when she started having early contractions; she was 33 weeks along when they admitted her. Baby B was 35% smaller than Baby A when she first went in, and that baby needed to grow. But within two weeks in the hospital, the Baby B started catching up. With all of her doctors, family, and friends holding their breath, Grace was now 35 weeks along and her contractions seemed to be under control.   
  


_The second-session remedial science class seems to be making slower progress than my first class,_ I noted in my journal on Friday, August 2. _Maybe having 6 weeks off from school before starting this class was a bad idea. Perhaps one long session with more teachers to accommodate the students would be better for this type of class. I wonder if the school would consider doing that in the future. I have a feeling that would have been easier on all of my students to take things more slowly. Take Natalie, for instance. But thank goodness Natalie still earned a B! I wish all my students were as motivated as she._   
  


While I was writing in my diary, my cell phone rang and jerked me out of my own thoughts. 

"Hello?" I said. 

"Janine Yamakawa?" An uncertain, unfamiliar voice questioned on the other end of the line. 

"This is she." 

"Mrs. Yamakawa," said the voice. "My name is Deidre Fisher. I'm a friend of Grace. She gave me your number and told me to call you." She paused. "The twins were born a couple of hours ago." 

I swallowed the news. "And? Are they okay?" 

I could hear the tension in her voice. "They're in the NICU. Marcus James weighs five pounds, three ounces, and Lucas Scott weighs four pounds, eleven ounces. They've got machines helping them breathe... and they're both pretty weak and look very frail, but the doctors are optimistic." 

"Did she have a C-section?" I asked, thinking that was a strong possibility. 

"Mm-hm," Deidre said. "One of the babies was breech. Everything happened really fast. I'd been hanging out with Grace all day, keeping her company in the hospital. She kept saying that she was more uncomfortable than she had been before today. Then when she got up to go to the bathroom, her water broke." 

"Gosh..." 

"Grace is still sleeping," Deidre added. "But you could come to see Mark and Luke if you'd like." 

"Of course," I said without hesitating. "I'm coming right away." 

Then I hung up and called James. 

"I've got to go to the hospital," I blurted out when he picked up. 

"Are you okay?" He asked frantically. "What's wrong? What happened?" 

I quickly realized my mistake. "No -- James, I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with me. My student, Grace Taylor, had her twins, and I'm going up to the hospital to see them." 

He relaxed a little. "Were they premature?" 

"Thirty-five weeks," I informed him. "Actually, that's supposed to be the average gestation for twins. It's a relief that she made it as far as she did." 

"I see," James said. "Tell me how it goes." 

"Okay," I said quickly. "I love you." 

"Love you, too, Janey. 'Bye." 

"'Bye."   
  


* * * * * *

  
  


On the other side of the glass window, there they were. Marcus James Taylor and Lucas Scott Taylor. Even with tubes and machines and monitors around them, they were precious and beautiful. So precious that Grace's parents, grandparents, and friends all looked on in amazement. But they were tiny. So tiny. 

I breathed deeply, suddenly aware of how fragile the life growing inside of me really was. Until now, I had only pictured my first experiences with my own little one as joyful experiences -- things like breastfeeding, even at 4:00 in the morning, rocking her gently to sleep, dressing her in sweet, little outfits, showing her off to my friends and family... 

Until this moment, I had never imagined myself standing by an incubator and waiting for my baby to get well, unable to do anything to ease her pain and unable to experience complete joy upon her arrival. It was more than I could bear. 

"Excuse me," I backed away. "I have to go." 

Deidre smiled at me. "It was nice meeting you, Janine." 

Beside her, Grace's mother turned around. Until today, we had not been introduced. It was nice to finally meet this woman who, according to Grace, had stood beside her daughter throughout her difficult pregnancy and loved her unconditionally. 

"Thank you, Mrs. Yamakawa," Mrs. Taylor shook my hand. "Having you as a teacher has helped Grace more than you'll ever know. And - I'm not just talking about chemistry. Thank you for everything." 

"I-um," I paused and with effort, smiled back. "I'll stay in touch." 

"Grace would like that," Mrs. Taylor said. 

I nodded slightly. "And so would I." 

I turned then and left, my heart feeling heavy. I've always been a believer in looking for the silver lining to every dark cloud, but given Grace's situation, I couldn't fathom how anyone could possibly find it. 

And if God was supposed to be looking out for Grace, why did this happen? 

I stopped by the second floor, where Grace was staying. I reaching into my purse and pulled out a note I had written to Grace before I left for the hospital. It was a note of encouragement, saying that I was thinking about her and that I would call and visit as often as I could. I wanted her to have something from me to read when she woke up, probably in a great deal of physical and emotional pain and exhaustion. 

I was going to simply slip in unnoticed and leave it there for her on her bed table. But when I found her door, it was slightly ajar, and music was playing softly inside. I almost knocked, but I hesitated because I was unsure of what to say to Grace, and I also didn't know if she felt like seeing anyone. 

Considering this, I decided to wait until another time to see her. But I stopped short of leaving right away. The gentle, soothing song (that was being sung by an amazing female vocalist) grabbed my attention, and I lingered to listen. 

_ A million miles away from anything familiar,  
A thousand places I would rather be  
So I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side  
Though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering.  
_

In my heart I know Your plan is so much bigger,  
But this small part is all that I can see.  
And I believe You haven't left me here to wander  
Still I can't help but ponder where You're leading me.  


And I ask why this road?  
Why this way? And this load?  
Tell me how far must I go   
'Til I see, 'Till I know  
Why this road?  


A million miles away from anything familiar,  
What was it like to be so far from home?  
Though You came in love, the world misunderstood You.  
There must have been some days when You felt so alone.  


But You endured, 'cause there was joy before You.  
Joy that came because You sacrificed.  
Since You gave Yourself just to spend forever with me.  


And Grace joined in singing softly... 

_Surely I can trust You'll lead me through my darkest times. _

When I ask why this road?  
Why this way? And this load?  
Tell me how far must I go   
'Til I see, 'Till I know  
Why this road?  


From here I cannot see  
Why'd You'd choose this path for me.  
But I don't have to understand to believe  
That You know why this road,  
Why this way, and this load.  
You know how far I must go  
'Till I see, 'till I know  
why this road...   
  
  
  
(A/N: Lyrics: Ginny Owens/Kyle Matthews   
http://www.ginnyowens.com   
*I'm a fan of her.*) 


	14. Sea City, Here We Are!

I bent over to pick up my suitcase. I was only assuming that my suitcase was still on the floor where I had put it earlier since I couldn't see my feet or anything around them on the floor. All I could see was my belly. Anyway, I made the mistake of trying to bend over at the waist. Bad idea. I stood straight up, and my hand went to my back. I moaned in agony. 

"Hey, honey," I called to James. "If I'm ever 32 weeks pregnant again, remind me not to pack a suitcase on the floor and then try to pick it up." 

James stuck his head inside the door. "Oh, yeah. Why didn't you let me do that?" 

"Oh, I don't know," I moaned, plopping down on the bed. "Maybe because I'm stubborn." 

"You don't have to tell me that," James said cheerfully. He effortlessly lifted my suitcase. I gave in and instructed him to pack a few more things that I had not yet included. He did it all without saying a word. Until he packed my maternity bathing suit. Actually, it belonged to Aunt Peaches. I heard him stifle a laugh, and I sat straight up and glared at him. 

"I am perfectly aware of how repulsive it is," I said haughtily. "And I do not need you laughing at me right now. For your information, I am not going to be seen in public wearing that, looking like a beached whale." He howled with laughter at this, unable to control himself. I shot him a look that shut him up fast. "That was not supposed to be comical. I fully intend to wear it underneath one of your old t-shirts. And if you think that there is anything whimsical about me being--" 

"I-I," Poor James was at a loss for words. "I'm so sorry. Of course not, sweetheart." 

He kissed my cheek and I forgave him. About five minutes later as we were loading up the car, I realized that my brain was now pregnant. Here it was, August 24th - the day before our first anniversary, and I was a basket full of hormones. So I apologized for my behavior, and he forgave me. 

I dialed my mom up on her cell phone. She answered right away. 

"Hey, Mom," I said. "James and I are ready to leave." 

"Great," she replied. "The Yamakawas are here. We're all set to leave Stoneybrook." In the background, I could hear cheering. It sounded like Claudia, Will, and Zach. "Don't forget that we're stopping for ice cream when we get past New York City. Claudia's request. The place is called Howard Johnson's." 

"Okay," I agreed. "I might have to call you for directions." 

"Fine," Mom said. "Keep your phone on, sweetie. 'Bye." 

_Duh._ "Bye." 

_Sea City, here we come! _

It was a long drive just to get to Howard Johnson's. It was pretty early in the morning, and I just couldn't resist curling up in the back seat for a little nap. I asked James to wake me up when it was my turn to drive. Then once I was as comfortable as I could possibly get with my pillows and blanket, I settled down, closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep... 

...Our baby girl somehow went to sleep when I did. That nap in the back seat of the car turned out to be so relaxing that I didn't wake up until the baby woke me up with a good, hard kick. Then another. Then another. 

I sat up and rubbed my belly, trying to get the baby to settle down. Then I looked out the window and realized we were already most of the way through NYC. 

"James," I said sharply. "You should have woken me up to drive an hour ago." 

"I couldn't," he smiled. "You were sleeping so peacefully, and I figured a little extra rest would do you some good once we got to Sea City. I don't think you've slept like that in awhile." 

"You're right," I agreed. "The baby didn't even wake me up until just now." I stretched and yawned. "Listen, you've got to let me take over after Howard Johnson's." 

He agreed. And not long after that, it was time for us to stop. I called Mom and it turned out that they weren't far behind us. We arrived at Howard Johnson's, and five minutes later, the rest of the family showed up in two cars. 

They piled out, came inside, and we all ordered treats. Claudia and Zach ordered banana splits, Will got a strawberry sundae, James got a waffle cone with two scoops of Rocky Road, Mr. and Mrs. Yamakawa shared a Cappuchino Chiller, and my parents ordered frozen yogurt with granola sprinkles and fresh fruit. I couldn't resist the craving for chocolate so I ordered just _one_ scoop of triple chocolate. Mom frowned at me, but I didn't care. 

"Hey, Janine," Claudia was grinning. "Would you like a pickle to go with that?" 

Actually, that sounded delicious. But I wouldn't dare reveal to my family that I had indeed been driven crazy by my pregnancy. Instead, I stuck my tongue out at her and ate my ice cream. But her comment had me secretly longing for a pickle, and my ice cream didn't taste nearly as good without it. 

After about fifteen minutes of eating and stretching our legs, we were on the road again. I was behind the wheel, but just barely. I had to move the chair back a good bit, and then it was hard to reach the steering wheel. But I managed somehow, and James didn't dare to say a word. But Claudia laughed at me from the back seat until she finally saw me glaring at her in the rear-view mirror. 

We turned on the radio and were generally pretty quiet. Claudia had a Nancy Drew mystery with her in the back seat. Of course, she's read all of her mysteries countless times. Claudia told me about a website she recently found called fanfiction.net. There she had discovered other stories written about the same characters by fans, and according to Mom, reading new stories about her favorite character, Nancy Drew, could entertain Claudia for hours. And Claudia told me that she also found fanfiction about her favorite band, Tin Can Voices, on the site. But why my sister would choose amateur fiction over the real thing, I just couldn't comprehend. 

"I have _To Kill A Mockingbird_ in my backpack, Claud," I eventually offered. "Would you like to read that? I think you'd find it very entertaining." 

"No, thanks." 

"Okay. Suite yourself." 

So Claudia went back to reading, I concentrated on driving, and James took a short nap. 

"Hey!" Claudia spoke up for the first time about an hour later. "We're almost to the exit!" 

I had already seen it: SEA CITY, EXIT 10 MILES. "Yep!" 

"Woohoo!" Claudia yelled. 

In a few short minutes, we were driving off the exit ramp. I rolled down the windows, and we all caught a whiff of saltwater; the shore could be seen in the distance as we approached Sea City. I turned off the air conditioner because the air was so much cooler with the breezes coming from the ocean and felt awesome coming through the open windows. The exit ramp turned onto a causeway the crossed over the patches of marshy land. Because of the land connecting it to the mainland, Sea City wasn't exactly an island, but it was pretty close. 

"The cow sign!" Claudia squealed. We were driving past a billboard with a three- dimensional purple cow. "Crabs for Grabs!" Now she was yelling out the name of a seafood restaurant as we drove past it. James gave me a puzzled look. 

"What are you doing, Claud?" I asked. 

"These are the Pike family landmarks. They look for them every year," she explained. "There's the last one... Weiner's Weiners!" We were passing by another billboard that featured a picture of a guy in a hotdog suit eating a hotdog. So technically, he was eating himself. The three of us erupted into a fit of giggling. 

As we cruised down Sea City's main road, we were surrounded by all of the attractions in the city. Food stands, gift shops, ice cream parlors, restaurants, recreational places like Trampoline Land and miniature golf. Here, tourists took delight in walking from place to place; we saw groups of people touring the town on foot, laughing and talking with shopping bags and fried food in their hands. In the distance, Claudia pointed out the boardwalk where there were carnival games, arcades, and rides to enjoy. And the most impressive, exciting thing of all was the ocean, crashing softly on the horizon. 

We followed the other two cars in our party down the "main drag," then onto a narrow, undivided road that led us to our driveway. And the driveway, of course, led to the back of the house. Claudia had described this house to me before, but I didn't pay much attention. Where we stayed did not seem to be of much importance. But now that I was finally seeing this place, I could appreciate why Claudia had persisted in telling me everything about it. It was an old-fashioned, Victorian-style cottage. Three stories high with yellow and white trim - it looked like something out of a picture book or a fairy tale. 

"The Pikes rent this house every year," Claudia said. "They rented it when they went this summer in July. Back when they took two mother's helpers each year for the kids, they had a total of twelve people in the house with room to spare." 

The Yamakawas would be in the rooms on the second floor. My parents and Claudia took two of the three bedrooms on the first floor. Our family had already decided that James and I would get the third floor to ourselves. There were only a couple of rooms up there. The larger room where we'd be sleeping had a cozy window seat that overlooked the ocean. It was perfectly charming and romantic; I couldn't imagine a better spot to spend my first anniversary. 


	15. New Conclusions

Once we were all settled in our rooms, the whole family met on the front porch to discuss what to do together on our first day here. Later, we would probably split up and do different things. But at least for part of one day, we decided that we ought to spend some time as a group. 

"What does everybody want to do?" Sheri asked. 

"Shopping!" said Claudia. 

"Miniature golf!" said Will. 

"Trampoline Land!" said Zach. 

"We can't all do that together," Will protested, looking at me. _Quite obviously not._

"Eating out?" asked James. 

I sighed. "Take a nap?" 

Mom looked at me closely. "Are you really that tired, honey?" 

I stifled a yawn and tried to look peppy. Unpacking was what had worn me out, but I didn't really want to take a nap. We had just arrived, and I knew that I would be spoiling the fun if I didn't find some energy. Maybe I could catch my second wind… 

"No, I was kidding," I said. "I agree with James. I know it's a little early, but I'm starving." 

"Me too," Dad said. "How about Crabs for Grabs? We passed that coming in." 

Everyone agreed to that, and we piled back into three vehicles and headed back the way we had come. Crabs for Grabs was one of Claudia's "Sea City Landmarks." It was a novelty seafood diner that was right on the seashore. Claud informed us that the best tables were out on the porch overlooking the beach. Taking her advice, we chose one of those tables. 

After ordering beverages and studying the menu, we collectively ordered lobster, fried shrimp, crab legs, and catfish to split amongst the group. Zach, however, ordered chicken pasta. 

"I'm allergic to seafood," he explained with a look of dejection. 

Until the food arrived, we chatted. 

"There's something I've been meaning to ask," Claudia said to James and me. "Have you thought of any names for the baby?" 

James and I exchanged a glance before answering this. We had been neglecting this detail as time went by. Initially, however, we had discussed the issue and come to a few conclusions. 

"I believe we have established her middle name," I replied. 

"What did you pick?" Claudia pressed. 

I smiled. "Confidential. I cannot disclose said information to you at present." 

Claudia rolled her eyes, probably for two reasons. One, I was being too articulate, and two, I was keeping something a secret from her. But James and I couldn't tell anyone about the middle name just yet. This was because we wanted it to be a surprise. We wanted the baby to have a Japanese middle name and a family name as well. We had chosen Rioko as the baby's middle name, in honor of my mother. 

"So you have the middle name but no first name?" Sheri asked. 

"That's a tough decision," James explained. "You see, Yamakawa is a long last name." 

"No kidding," Will muttered. 

"And nobody can pronounce it," Zach added. 

James chuckled. "Right, that too. But if you notice, we all have one-syllable names. Or at least, nicknames. Zach instead of Zachary, Will instead of William…" 

"Because William Nicholas Yamakawa is a mouthful," Will pointed out, eyeing his parents. 

"Yeah, that's why we don't call you that," James said. "With our last name, I think one-syllable names sound better and make it less of a mouthful. Especially if there is no question on how to pronounce the first name." 

"So what you're saying is you want the baby to have a one-syllable name that everyone knows how to pronounce," Claudia concluded as the food arrived. "Right?" 

"Mm-hm." I said. Then we dug in.   
  


* * * * * * * * *

  
  


Later that evening, James and I went off on our own. We walked to the beach, around 11:00 or so. The air was cool, the stars were out and absolutely brilliant, complimenting an almost full and bright moon. We walked down the shore and found a quiet, secluded place to sit on the sand and watch the waves. James leaned back, I settled against him, and he wrapped his arms around me. It was especially romantic, because we were both thinking of this very same evening one year ago. The evening before our wedding day. 

"I was such a nervous wreck," James told me. "Zach and Will tried to get me to loosen up and have some fun with them and the rest of the guys, but I couldn't take my mind off of the next morning. Or how you would look in your wedding dress. And what it would be like to hear the minister announce us as Mr. and Mrs. Yamakawa." He paused. "And what it would be like on our honeymoon." 

"I used to think I'd never get married," I whispered. 

"When did you think that?" James asked. 

"Up until the day you asked," I confessed. "Even then, I had my doubts. I was always waiting for you to realize that there was someone out there who was better than I was. You never did." 

"Because there wasn't anyone else," James quickly put in. 

"I know that now," I smiled. "But I didn't back then." 

"Why do you think that was?" James wondered. 

I laughed a little. "Oh, James. As if you don't already know. Remember me when you first met me? Remember my glasses, my haircut... my kilts and sweaters?" 

"I liked your glasses and your haircut and your clothes," he protested. 

I laughed louder. "No, you didn't!" 

"...Okay, I didn't. Not at first, but later I came to like everything about you. And eventually, I fell in love with you." He kissed the top of my head. "I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. Gosh! I can still see you in my mind, standing there in a red turtleneck, a black pleated skirt, and knee socks and loafers. Pretty clever of Will and Claud to trick us both into making it a double date!" 

"I was so mad at Claudia," I said. "She really put me on the spot!" 

We had told people this story many times before. And we sat there and retold the story to ourselves...   
  
  
  
__

"Janine, why don't you try my demin jacket with your turtleneck?" Claudia asked. 

"And burn up outside?" I scoffed. "Forget it." 

"Why don't you ever wear pants?" Claudia asked. "Don't you have a cute pair of jeans in the back of your closet that you've never even worn? I bet they would look great on you." 

"I feel much more comfortable in my usual attire," I argued. "Why are you so concerned with what I'm wearing? As I recall, YOU are the one going out on a date this evening." 

"I can't do this anymore," Claudia suddenly looked very flustered. 

"What are you talking about?" I inquired, putting my hands on my hips. 

"You're coming with me!" She finally spit out the words. Then she thrust a movie ticket into my hand. 

"On your date?" 

"It isn't just... my date," she admitted with difficulty. "Will is bringing his older brother. His name is James, and he's twenty-one. I don't think his age makes much of a difference since you're both in college and everything. He's studying to go to law school and he--" 

"Claudia? What? NO!" 

"But they'll be here any minute, Janine! And he's--" 

"No! What on earth are you trying to do, Claudia?" I sputtered. "Oh, I see. You feel sorry for me, and you thought you would help me out by convincing some guy to go out with your older sister. Well, I don't want your help. I'm perfectly fine by myself. And I absolutely refuse to--" 

"Janine, if you really don't want to go, one no is enough," Claudia said. "And you can say it quietly. Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be happy." 

"I'm doing fine," I protested again. "By myself." 

"No, you're not," Claudia said softly. "You haven't been on a single date since you and Jerry broke up two years ago. You spend even more time studying alone in your room than you used to. You don't have any friends, Janine, because you never give anyone the chance." 

I stared at Claudia. "What are you saying that I should do?" 

"Give James a chance," Claudia said. "You might have fun with us tonight. You'll certainly have more fun that you will sitting in your room with your computer all evening." 

"If I do this, will you stop interfering?" 

Claudia sighed. "...Yes." 

"Fine."   
  
  
  


James held me close and put one hand on my abdomen. I turned to look at him, and he kissed my lips gently. I couldn't believe it. I never thought that I would be married or expecting a baby, but that had always been in my dreams. I had gone through life hoping for a star, and I always knew I'd never get it. But then one day I looked down, and there it was. Just shining in my hand. 

I was coming to new conclusions about my life, right there on that beach under the stars that night. I was thinking about God. He was every last bit of that beach. He was living in the sand and shining through the stars.He lapped over our feet in those waves. He had to be the One who had mapped out my life in such a way that I had once never thought possible. 

The week was more than a chance for James and I to celebrate our one-year anniversary and enjoy time together before the baby came. It was time for me to slow down and ponder some important questions that I had about my life. And, hopefully, to find an answer. 


	16. How Are You Feeling?

**A/N: For anyone who was wondering, I thought of the baby's name when I wrote the first chapter. And I can't tell you what it is just yet. Guess all you like. But, in response to the person who thought her name was going to be Grace... nope! (Briefly considered that, but went back to the original plan.) Guess again! :-)**   
  
  
  


"Eight and a half," I heard Claudia say. 

The sun was out and beaming down on us. Or at least, it was beaming down on Claudia. I was trying to stay out of the sun, but more importantly, out of sight. While Claudia was stretched out in a skimpy bikini soaking up the rays, I was reading while huddled under an umbrella and covered up with an oversized t-shirt. Times like these made me more jealous of Claudia than I had ever been in my entire life. 

"Seven," she said, under her breath. I turned over to look at her. She had her sunglasses on, but I could see that she was looking in the direction of a group of guys who were about to start a game of beach volleyball. 

"You're rating those guys," I observed. Just then, the ball was hit over in our direction. A skinny guy who seemed to be working up a bad sunburn ran over to retrieve it. He flashed a smile at Claudia who in turn smiled back, but when the boy ran back to his group, Claudia turned to me and said: "Four." 

"A four?" I echoed. "Claud, he at least gets a six." 

"Four," she said stubbornly. "I have high standards." 

"Snob," I teased her. 

"You ought to have two kids," was her reply, ignoring my jest. "Two girls, just like us. You older daughter can be a super genius who graduates from college at the age of twelve. (I laughed) And the younger daughter can be an artist with a flare for fashion who takes shopping trips every weekend with her Aunt Claudia." 

"What if the genius wants to go shopping?" I asked. 

"She already has her entire wardrobe," Claudia insisted. "All of your old clothes." 

"That's right," I smirked. "...Well, I know I want more than one child. It's good for kids to have siblings. You wouldn't be nearly as tough as you are if you didn't have me to fight with for all those years." 

"And vice-versa," said Claud, nodding. "When do you think you and James will have another baby?" 

I groaned. "I can't even think about that right now." Then I paused. I actually had given the matter some consideration. "But right now, I'm saying at least four more years, maybe five. As long as there are no more surprises." 

"That long?" Claudia didn't bother hiding her dismay. 

"I need to be sure that I can be a good mother with one before try to take on two," I pointed out. "I can hardly imagine what one child of my own is going to be like, let alone two." Then Grace came into my mind, and I fell silent. 

"Like your student," Claudia said, reading my mind. "Grace, right? The girl that's my age?" 

"A year younger than you." 

"Well, how is she doing?" Claud wanted to know. "How are the twins?" 

"They've been home for two weeks," I said. "So far, so good." 

Once the twins were strong enough to breathe on their own and gained enough weight, Grace was finally able to take them home. By then, Grace was regaining some of her strength. Recovering from a Cesarean section is said to be more difficult than recovering from a vaginal delivery. 

"She never gets any sleep," I told Claudia. 

"No, I guess not," Claudia said, shaking her head. "Poor thing." 

"But her mother helps her out," I added quickly. "She allows Grace and the twins to live at home and is helping her take care of them." 

Grace had been raised by a single mother for practically all her life. Her father walked out when Grace was really little. Her situation was like that of Claudia's friend, Kristy Thomas. In fact, Grace had mentioned to me once before that not having a father was part of the reason she used to do anything to get attention from guys. Anything at all. 

"That's good, then," Claudia said. "Still doesn't make up for the father not being there." 

Once again, Claudia and I were on the same track. 

"No... no, nothing could make up for that." 

Grace hated to talk about the father of her children. She had never even told me his name. And yet she had said to me once that she would always miss him. 

"Mmm," was Claudia's response, and then she closed her eyes and turned over. Clearly, she was sympathetic towards the situation, but having not ever met Grace, there wasn't much more to be said. So I dropped the conversation and closed my own eyes. 

"Hey, Janine?" Claud said after a few minutes or so. 

"Hm?" 

"You fell asleep." 

"I did?" 

"For about fifteen minutes," Claudia said. "You feel okay? I noticed that you didn't have much energy yesterday. Mom noticed, too. She's been a little worried about you." 

"Some days, I'm full of energy. Some days, I just want to sleep," I explained. "You know, I'll have to ask my doctor, but I think I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions ever now and then. Especially when I walk around a lot. It doesn't hurt, but sometimes it does take my breath away. That would explain me being more tired than usual." 

"I'll bet. And then add that to the fact that you've got extra weight to carry." 

"Still growing," I sighed. "Though I don't see how I could get any bigger." 

"You look beautiful," Claudia insisted. "Radiant. You glow." 

"Well... thanks." 

Her eyes lit up then. "Oooh, I have an idea!" She jumped up. "Make that an artistic inspiration! I brought my camera with me to the beach to get some pictures for my summer photography class. But then I thought, a beach... well, that would be pretty, but since this is August and everything, half of the people in my class are going to have beach photos at the exhibit. The exhibit is three weeks away..." 

"What are you getting at?" I asked, taking note of the way she was talking to my stomach instead of my face, already suspecting what Claudia was about to say. 

"Can I take pictures of you?" she asked. "On the beach. Oh! At sunset, maybe. You could wear something really silky and flowy, with the shirt open to show off your belly." 

"And put the pictures up at your exhibit? Gee, I don't know..." 

"Please, please, please, Janine?" She begged. When she saw my doubtful expression, she tried something else. "How about this? Just let me take the pictures and if you don't want them on display, I can use something else. And then the pictures would just be for you to keep. Wouldn't you like that?" 

I started to smile, and Claudia was grinning from ear to ear, aware that she had succeeding in convincing me. Claudia was a great photographer; no doubt about that. She had been interested in it ever since she took her first photography class at the age of thirteen. The pictures would be beautiful, and they would be great keepsakes. Without much hesitation, I nodded. 

Claudia kissed my cheek and then she darted off, mumbling something about finding the right wardrobe and accessories. Typical Claudia... always thinking about what to wear. 

Not long after she left, James came along. "Hey, beautiful. Happy Anniversary. How are you feeling?" 

I had mentioned the Braxton Hicks contractions to him the night before while trying to explain my lack of energy. Instead of making him feel relieved, he seemed more concerned than ever. I tried to explain that it was no big deal and completely normal, but he still wasn't convinced. Now, accompanying every greeting, was the phrase: 'How are you feeling?' Naturally, I appreciated the fact that he cared about my wellness so much, but eight more weeks of that question was going to drive me crazy. 

_And if everyone starts treating me like a sick, little child... like some kind of invalid. Well, then, I'll crack for sure._

"Great!" I said, making my point by standing up and kissing him. "Great." 

He raised his eyebrows. "Well...great." (I fought the urge to yawn.) "Want to go swimming?" 

"Sure!" I exclaimed. "Just what I need." 

Dammit, I was going to be perky and fun even if it killed me. For one week, _somehow_, I would keep my mind off of my backaches, swollen feet, and other unmentionable discomforts. Yeah, that was the plan, anyway. 


	17. Past the Horizon

"Morning, sweetheart," Mom hurried downstairs on Saturday morning. I was the first one up that morning due to the fact that I got up in a hurry at 5 a.m. to make it to the bathroom, and then was unable to go back to sleep. Not that I had been sleeping very well to begin with. There was no comfortable position to do it. 

"Morning!" I said, doing my best to appear well-rested and rejuvenated. 

"Claudia was hoping we could all go shopping together today," Mom said. "She wants to check out those shops all along the Main Drag. But I said we should check with you, first. Are you up to walking so much?" 

"Sure," I replied. "Why not?" 

Mom took a sip of her coffee. "Well, I know when I was that far along, I didn't have as much energy as you do. Both times. I was always fine until week 32, then all of a sudden, all I wanted to do was lie around and be left alone." 

I almost said something just then, but then I held my tongue. Why even bother? 

"Really?" I replied, sounding bewildered. 

"Morning, Mom, Janine," Claudia was running downstairs. She was wearing denim overalls over a tank top that she had made herself by photocopying every award-winning picture she had ever taken and had it printed on the shirt. The shirt had cost her a fortune, but Claudia said it was worth it. "Check it out; we match." 

"Yeah," I said, smiling at her. We both had on overalls, but it was the closest we would ever come to matching. Once opposites, always opposites. 

"Morning, Janey." That was James. (The only person who would call me Janey, of course.) 

I noticed that he did not add: 'How are you feeling?' For the entire week, I had been hiding all of my discomforts and biting back ever last complaint. 

The rest of the clan came downstairs not long after that, and when we were all gathered together for breakfast, Claudia announced: "Family shopping day!" 

"Hope everyone is wearing sneakers," Will added, while cramming a piece of toast in his mouth. "Since Claudia is leading this shopping expedition, you can be sure that we'll go in every single store and walk the length of the Main Drag at least twice." 

"Put on sun screen," added Sheri. "And let's bring plenty of water. It's a hot day today. Not a breath of wind in the air." 

"You're sure your up to it?" Mom asked me, under her breath. She was the only person who didn't seem to be buying my act. 

I smiled anyway. "Of course."   
  
  
  


After an hour of walking up and down the Main Drag, I wasn't so sure anymore. 

"Hey, Mary Anne told me about this store!" Claudia exclaimed. "She said it wasn't open yet when she and Dawn came to Sea City in July." 

She was running away from us as she said that. Naturally, everyone else picked up the pace to catch up with her. And me? Although I was sweating like a pig and my feet were killing me, I picked up the pace, too. By the time we caught up with her, I was out of breath. 

Luckily, it was cool inside the store. And I found a chair to sit in. 

Claudia was already looking at the bathing suits. It made absolutely no sense to me why Claudia was looking at bathing suits in a gift shop. If you're going to go into a gift shop, isn't it common sense to buy something that you couldn't find anywhere else? Not my sister. Even though she could find a bathing suit just about anywhere, (at Walmart, even) and even though summer was almost over, she was looking at them anyway. 

Anyway, I was breathing heavy and about the time James passed by me, I received a good, hard kick in the ribs that knocked the breath out of me even more. I actually gasped for breath. James turned around sharply, caught sight of me holding my stomach and catching my breath, and then... 

"Honey? What's wrong?" In an instant, he was kneeling in front of me with a wide-eyed look of panic on his face. Before I could say I was okay, the rest of my family had noticed and gathered around me. 

"N-nothing," I stammered, turning red. "It's not what you think. I-I was just... so tired. You guys, well, you wore me out so I sat down, and I was all out of breath, and then she kicked and I..." By now, I was laughing and so was my family. 

I started to get up, but Mom sat me right back down. 

"Janine, don't think you have to keep up with us," she said. "If you need us to slow down, you say so. If you need a chance to catch your breath, you just sit down and take a rest. No sense in wearing yourself out with eight more weeks to go." 

I took her advice for the rest of the day, and it did me some good. Mother knows best. 

I had a feeling that my family would be watching me like a hawk for the next eight weeks.   
  


* * * * * * * * * * * * *

  
  


I took it easy that evening, too. Claudia even asked if I still felt like going out to the beach to the pictures. We had been planning to do them tonight at sunset, and of course, I was looking forward to it. So we did. 

With the ocean crashing in the background and the sky tinted in hues of pink, orange, and purple and the sun setting on the horizon... that alone would have been a great picture. But Claudia still insisted that something was missing. 

She sat down with us on the beach before she even started shooting to "explain her inspiration" and talk about "the spiritual meaning" of the photographs. 

"Sunsets represent the conclusion of one day," she said. (while sitting in the sand, dressed all in black with paintbrushes sticking out of her hair) "Furthermore, it represents the anticipation of a new day. And you, Janine, represent the anticipation of a new day, too." She paused dramatically, then said. "That's what I'll say if I accept an award for this photograph." 

James, who was also there, chuckled. I smiled. 

Claudia jumped up,"The sky is perfect! Let's get started." 

For the next fifteen minutes or so, Claudia posed several shots, mostly of just me, but some with James in them as well. My wardrobe that Claudia had been so concerned with consisted of things that Claudia had brought for herself: silky, white pajama bottoms (with an elastic waistband, of course) and a white shirt that buttoned down the front, unbuttoned to show off my belly. Claudia had done my hair and makeup as well, and I really felt beautiful. 

Before I knew it, Claudia announced she was finished. 

"Not yet," James said. "We need a picture of the Kishi sisters together." 

He plucked a paintbrush from her hair and stuck it behind his ear, taking on the job of photographer. Then he posed Claudia hugging me from behind. He backed away and proceeded to trip over his own feet. Claudia and I started laughing, and James took that opportunity to snap the picture. 

With that, we finished up. James and Claudia headed back to the house. I lingered by the shore to take in the ocean. Tomorrow morning, we would pack up to leave Sea City. Our time at the beach had gone by so quickly. 

Looking down the shore, I realized I was not alone on the beach. About twenty feet away, Zach was walking towards the shoreline. He reached the water and rolled up his pant legs to get his feet wet in the waves. Buttoning up my shirt, I approached him. 

"Oh, hi," he said. "I saw you guys taking pictures." 

I smiled. "Yeah, why didn't you come over?" 

"I was sort of... thinking about things," Zach said. He looked troubled. 

"Like what?" 

"Oh... starting school in Stoneybrook, I guess." 

"Nervous?" I asked. 

"Oh, I can handle new people," Zach smiled sadly. "What I'm not sure I can handle is the absence of old ones..." (I could see that the real problem was on the tip of his tongue.) "...Sarah- Sarah, she's really... r-really gone now." 

I put my arm around him as he fought back tears, but started sobbing anyway. I did not completely understand what he meant until he regained enough composure to elaborate. Then I gently asked him. 

"What I mean..." He finally added. "She's been gone, yes, but we remember her. Her friends, her family, and me. We remember her...together. Apart from them... now that I live in Stoneybrook... do-do I... will I forget?" 

"No," I held him closely, tears coming to my eyes now. "No, you never do. No matter where you are or who you're with, you'll remember her. She won't leave you." 

"It just feels like I'm losing her all over again," he said. "Like I'm leaving her behind." 

"Take her with you," I said. "Do you think you can?" 

He wiped his eyes. "For awhile, my thinking was that I needed to get away from old memories, you know? Start over? But now, I don't think that's why God's taking me to Stoneybrook. From here, I can't see..." He trailed off. 

"What, Zach?" 

"See this ocean," he began, after a moment. "We know this ocean is huge. Enormous. If we got in a boat and sailed away, we could go to England. But from here, all we see is the horizon. But there's so much more in store for us that we can't see. And I- I just haven't been able to see past the trials to appreciate what God's got in store for me one day." 

I was crying already. Crying hard, yet almost laughing. 

"What, Janine?" Zach looked alarmed. He held me closely. "What? What?" 

I thought of Zach. I thought of Grace. I thought of my entire life. 

"What, Janine, what?" 

His eyes stared into mine, and I said: "I just- I- well... me too." 

"What are you thinking?" He wanted to know more. 

"I'm thinking that I've been missing the big picture," I looked out at the water. "The whole ocean is out there, and I need to... like you said, it's hard to see past the horizon. But that's what we'll always have to look for." 


	18. As Time Runs Out

"Morning, Mrs. Y," Miranda Jennings greeted me at 7:30 AM on Monday morning by wrapping me in a big hug, her usual way of saying hello to friends. "Still no baby yet?" 

My response was to laugh. Thirty-eight weeks along now, I had grown accustomed to this comment. "About two more weeks. Maybe sooner." 

"That long?" She flashed me a grin and adjusted her backpack. "I half expected that you would go into labor this weekend. Hang in there." 

"How's Natalie?" I asked, changing the subject. (These days, it seemed like all people wanted to talk to me about was the baby.) "How's biology?" 

"She's making a B so far," Miranda said. "And I've hardly had to tutor her at all." 

"Good!" I nodded enthusiastically. "Tell her to keep it up." 

...WAIT! What am I doing here? You're probably wondering what brought me back to New Haven Science and Engineering Magnet. 

I'm teaching! Well, student teaching. When I returned from vacation, Mr. Park asked me if I wanted to come back. No replacement had been found for me. He knew before he hired me that I would be taking maternity leave in about a month and a half, but he asked me back anyway. I decided to take the job and work up until the baby came. 

I had worked all the way through September, and here I was, still working in the second week of October. Nothing stops Janine Kishi Yamakawa. 

I take that back. One thing was being delayed. Classes. I was taking one class via the internet, and that was all. There was no reason for me to take on many new things right now. No rush, no hurry. A new approach on my life. 

I take _that_ back. No rush? No hurry? James and I were rushing to do everything we could before the baby came. Last week, we finally finished her room. We had converted what was formerly the study of our two bedroom apartment into the baby's room. After the baby shower that my family had given me a few weeks ago, we had accumulated enough to start with. 

My favorite touch in the entire room was what we had hung over her crib. We had framed two of the pictures that Claudia took on the beach, and hung them there. One of the pictures was the one that Claudia had actually entered in her exhibit. She won first prize for a picture of me staring up at the sunset with a hand resting on my bare stomach. The other picture was one of the shots of James and me. In the center of those two pictures, we had an empty frame. 

That was where her picture would soon be. 

Soon. She was coming soon. I was seeing my doctor every week now. At my last visit on the first day of my thirty-eighth week, we received some interesting news. 

First of all, I was already dilated two centimeters. This did not mean I was in labor yet. The birth could still be another two weeks away. I did not like the thought of being like this for two weeks. I was not exactly comfortable. 

Secondly, the baby had already dropped, meaning that her head was down and she was in a much lower position. This meant two things -- first of all, I could breathe. I could breathe much easier without having the baby pushing against my diaphragm. But it also meant that I started to waddle more than usual. So it was pretty obvious to everyone that I was not exactly comfortable. 

I was tired and anxious and excited and scared. I would make it through each day, glad to be productive and glad to be doing something to get my mind off of the Big Event, but when I came home at night, I would pour out my anxiety on anybody who would listen. Usually James.   
  
  
  


That evening, the weather was awful. It had been pouring down rain for three days. It had suddenly gotten so cold that everyone was already wearing jackets. I hated wearing a jacket because it made me look and feel even bigger than I already was. 

Being nine months pregnant and waddling around in the rain was not fun. I was not in the greatest of moods that evening, and James wasn't home yet. So I called Mom. 

"I'm so worried about the birth," I confessed, while laying back in my chair with the phone in one hand and my other hand rubbing my stomach. "All that horrible pain. I'm having second thoughts about this." 

"A little late for that, sweetheart," Mom gently said. Then we laughed. 

"Yeah," I said. "I know that I said I wanted to have a natural birth, but now I'm thinking an epidural would be okay. It just scares me to think of making that decision in the middle of labor. But I still think I want to _feel_ what it's like before I --- also, I've heard, you know, that the delivery could take longer with the epidural, and I'm not sure I want it to take longer." 

"Tough choices," Mom agreed. "You'll know what to do when the time comes." 

"Mm-hm," I said, still rubbing my belly. I had been doing that a lot lately, especially when I was by myself. 

Time was running out, and although I was sick of pregnancy, I didn't want to forget the feeling of having her with me all the time. She and I had formed such a great bond. And part of me was going to miss being pregnant. 

"Speaking of touch choices," I said. "We're still trying to pick her name." 

"Still going with one-syllable?" 

"At least for her nickname," I replied. "Nicknames are great, don't you think?" 

"Sometimes, yes," Mom began. "But when I was younger, people would shorten Rioko to Ricky from time to time. I absolutely hated it because it sounded like a boy's name. And so common." 

"I'll keep that in mind," I said. "I'm not exactly crazy about boy-ish nicknames, either." 

"Janine, honey," Mom said. "I need to go start dinner. Before I go, are you feeling okay? Anything different?" 

"Pretty much the same discomforts I've had for the past couple of weeks," I said. "Those Braxton Hicks contractions are almost painful sometimes, and I'm not exactly sure how I will know when I really am in labor. The doctor says I'll know. My hips and my back are really sore right now, and I'm about to go take a warm bath or something." 

"Hang in there," was her response. (The seventh time I'd heard that today!) "Here's Claudia; she wants to say hello." 

"Helloooo!" Claud chirped into the receiver. "Hurry up and have that baby!" 

"Two weeks," I reminded her. Then we said goodbye, and I went to soak in the bath tub for awhile. I decided I would wash my hair, too. 

After a good twenty minutes of letting my muscles and joints relax in the hot, steamy water, I finally managed to force myself out of the tub. Not long after I had dried off and dressed in my sweat pants and a t-shirt, James returned home with my favorite fast food from Taco Bueno. We sprawled out in the living room in front of the television to eat it. 

"I talked to Zach today," James mentioned. "He and Haley are an official couple now. They went to see another movie Saturday night, and he bought her dinner, too. I asked him how he got the money to pay for the date, and he said he got it baby-sitting!" 

"No!" I laughed. "Who would have guessed? Your little brother, a member of the New Baby-sitters Club. The club that _my_ little sister used to be in." 

"I'm sure Zach enjoys making money," James laughed, too. "But I would be willing to bet that what he _really_ enjoys is sitting in a room with five girls three times a week. Especially since the meetings are held in Haley Braddock's room." 

Here's the story behind Zach and Haley: On his first day of school, Zach met Haley Braddock in art class and was instantly drawn to her. (Art class? _Drawn._ Get it? Nevermind, I'm not exactly known for my joke-telling abilities.) His original reason for becoming interested in Haley was merely the fact that she strongly resembled Sarah. 

(How do I know about Haley Braddock? Claudia babysat for her. Small world.) 

James and I witnessed this firsthand; we went to a party that Haley and the other club members held to formally induct Zach into the club. James and I immediately saw the resemblance between Sarah and Haley. Afterwards, James had a talk with Zach. 

Zach admitted to James that, at first, his motives weren't exactly honest for being interested in Haley. But he assured James that now he had good intentions for dating Haley, other than merely her resemblance to Sarah. 

"Haley's not the only girl in the club after Zach," I added. "It seemed like Vanessa Pike was interested in him, too. Remember her? She took the sitting job at my baby shower along with Zach, and she was falling for him, too. You could tell." 

"What am I going to do with him?" James mumbled. But he was smiling. 

"My shower... that was four weeks ago," I commented. Oddly enough, I got tired of talking about my pregnancy and the baby sometimes, but at other times, it was all I could think about. (I guess it was hard NOT to think about, seeing as I was huge.) 

"Time flies," I went on. 

"Seems like we just found out you were pregnant," he added. 

"Ah, I don't know about that." 

"And now, look at you. It's almost over." He kissed me. 

"Two weeks," I reminded him with a yawn. 

"Can't be," he replied. "I can't wait two more weeks." 

At this, I burst out laughing. "_YOU_ CAN'T?" 

He smiled. "Hang in there, Janey." 

"I'm trying," I found myself getting teary-eyed, even though I had been laughing just a second ago. These days were such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I could barely contain myself during the day. With mixed emotions of fear and excitement, I anticipated her arrival. 

Above all else, I felt blessed. And for the first time, I did not feel blessed merely by the circumstances. After our trip to Sea City, I no longer believed in circumstances. I believed that God had blessed me. Now that I acknowledged and accepted this fact, I felt at peace with the directions in which my life was headed. And I finally knew the meaning of the word joy.   
  
  
  
  
_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! The ones I got for chapter 17 were so great that I immediately started to write this chapter. If anyone would like to read about Janine's baby shower or the party for Zach, check out my other story "BSC: The New Class- Krista's Mini-Series." You know, the one I never update. I assume it is still on the second page. I originally was going to include actual chapters about those events, but from the way "Janine's Story" ended up going, well, it did not seem to fit into the flow of things anymore. Chapter 19, coming soon! _


	19. Ready To Meet Her

A harsh clap of thunder interrupted what had been a peaceful night of sleeping with rain softly tapping on the roof. I felt like I had not been asleep for more than two hours, but a glance at my alarm clock could neither confirm nor deny my assumption. 

The digital clock was blank. Our power was out. 

Although it felt like the middle of the night, something told me that it wasn't. With a great deal of effort, I forced myself out of bed. Wobbling unsteadily on my feet and rubbing my still-sore back, I stumbled to my dresser and found my watch. 

_7:14 AM??!!_

"Shit!" (At this hour, I could not be any more eloquent than that.) 

"What?" At my remark, James was now wide awake. 

"We've overslept!" I croaked, flipping the light switch. Of course, nothing happened because the power was out. Duh. And I'm supposed to be a genius? Luckily, we kept candles and matches in one of the bathroom drawers for times like these. James rushed to his closet as I made a break for the bathroom. 

"Are we already late?" He asked. James hates being late as much as I do. 

"We will be!" I tossed him my watch. 

"Janine, we've got enough--" He started to say. 

I didn't hear the rest of what he said because I was already in the bathroom, pulling out the candles and lighting them. _James_ had enough time. But I didn't. He could show up for work at 8:00 if he had to (usually he's early for work), but the time for me to check in at work is 7:45, and I have never, ever been late for work. Come to think of it, I can't really remember a time that I was late for a class, unless it was out of my hands. I was late for an evening class once when Claudia broke her leg. That's about it. 

After putting in my contacts, I gave myself a once over in the mirror. Thank goodness I had taken a bath and washed my hair last night. While clipping back my hair, I noticed that my back was hurting pretty badly and just then came one of those Braxton Hicks contractions. They had become increasingly painful as time went by, and I still wondered how I would know the difference between those and the real thing. 

By 7:34, I was dressed in my long, black skirt and a gray cable knit sweater. The storm had only grown worse, and the power was still out. Part of me wondered if classes might perhaps be cancelled in such awful weather. 

_No, no, I would have gotten a call from Mr. Park by now._

It was too bad since the weather only made me want to crawl back into bed, that and this awful backache that only seemed to be getting worse. 

Regardless of this, I gathered up my bookbag and my... 

"Where is that damn umbrella?" In less than an hour, I had already cursed twice. From a person who usually tries to think of better words, this was unusual. But for crying out loud, how can you lose your umbrella after three days of rain? 

"This _damn_ umbrella?" James mocked me while holding out my umbrella. "By the door, sweetheart, where you left it. Are you feeling okay?" Quick glance at the clock. 7:40. 

"I have to go. I have to go!" Grabbing the umbrella and taking my car keys from the hook, I opened the door and rushed down the stairs. 

"Careful, Janine!" He yelled again. "Slow down, and be careful." 

The thunder boomed in the distance like an unspoken warning. My body was telling me to slow down, too, but there wasn't time. I got in the car, turned on the ignition, and left, still ignoring the pressure in my lower back and abdomen that had been coming and going all morning . 

  
  
  
______________________________________________  
  
  


The day was a blur with me running about doing one thing and then another. I ended up doing more than I had done for the past two weeks today. Today, the students in Mr. Park's afternoon biology class were taking one of their major lab practical tests. 

I was given the task of setting out all of those models and labeling them. Normally, I could have done it pretty fast, but it ended up taking me almost my entire lunch period to do it. That was okay since I did not feel much like eating. 

I knew what was happening. Labor was starting. Or at least, I thought it was. I couldn't tell for sure if it was the real thing. My plan was to tough it out for the remainder of the day. If my water broke, then I would go to the hospital. Then I could be sure that it was the real thing. The thought of going to the hospital only to be told I was not actually in labor made me want to be absolutely certain of it. 

So far, I had been able to take it. Only a few of the contractions had actually hurt. The others just felt like pressure. And I had been good about timing them. There were always a good ten minutes in between each one. No big deal. First babies take their time. I knew all of that. 

"Janine?" Mr. Park was in the doorway. "Class will start in five minutes. Almost done in here?" 

I stuck the last label on a model of a spinal nerve. "All done." 

"Very good," he turned and left. 

Before class, I headed into the faculty bathroom. As I was going in, another contraction started up. I looked at my watch, realizing then that it had only been about seven minutes since the last contraction this time. And I winced in pain as I realized that this one was hurting more than any of the previous contractions. 

Suddenly, I felt something started to trickle down my leg. In horror, I thought that I had actually peed on myself. I dashed into the stall and got my skirt and underwear off just in time for my water to break while I was sitting on the toilet. It started with a trickle, oddly enough, and then came the rush of fluid. 

How I had managed not to stain my skirt was a miracle. But I barely gave it a second thought because I was only thinking one thing. _Oh, my Lord,_ Panic washed over me._This is really it._

Now there was no doubt about it. After taking a moment to recover, I got dressed again. While I got dressed, I thought about all those stories of women who did not have time to make it to the hospital. _Stop scaring yourself!_

The hallway was filling with students heading off to sixth period so I waited for the bell to ring. As soon as the hallways were clear, I headed for the office. Miranda Jennings gets out of class early in the afternoon and works as an office aid. She happened to be the only person at the desk when I came in. 

"Hi, Mrs. Y," she said. "Can I help you?" 

"Yes, actually," I was starting to breathe heavier again, and I felt another contraction coming on already. It could not have been more than five minutes since I had the other one. That scared me. The pain spread from my back to the upper part of my belly. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, now supporting my belly with my hand. Miranda got the message. 

"Oh, wow," she exclaimed. "You're having the baby!" 

In response, I sat down in a recliner to breathe through the contraction. 

"Could you get my... _ow_... my bag? I left it in Mr. Park's classroom. Tell him I start my maternity leave now." 

"Right away," she darted out of the room. 

I silently wished that anyone besides Miranda Jennings had been in the office. Miranda had a habit of causing a scene, and the last thing I wanted was a group of people flocking to the office to see if Mrs. Yamakawa really did give birth in the office. 

I closed my eyes, now dying to be at the hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses. 

When I opened my eyes, Mr. Park, Miranda, and the principal, Ms. Sutera, hovered over me. 

"Janine, I've got your cell phone here so that you can call James." 

"Should someone call her doctor? What's the number?" 

"Do we need to call an ambulance?" That was Miranda. 

"No!" I protested quickly. "No, I've got time. James can come and get me." 

"Should we call your doctor?" Mr. Park asked again. I nodded and gave him the number. Then I dialed James at work. 

"James Yamakawa, science department," he answered. 

"It's me," I said. "And I need you to take me to the hospital." 

"You-you're... in labor," he stammered. "Are you sure?" 

"My water broke. Swing by the apartment to get my bag." 

"I'm coming." He just hung up. I could picture him running around, gathering up all of his stuff. Probably dropping half of it in his haste. Like Miranda, James tends to make a scene. 

I hung up. Then I made another call. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, Mom." 

"Janine? Hi." She hesitated. "What's wrong?" 

"I-" There were so many ways to say this. "Um, the baby's coming. Today." 

She gasped. "What happened to two weeks?" 

I managed a laugh. "That's what I want to know." 

"How close are the contractions? Are you timing them?" 

While she said this, I felt another one coming on. Each time, it snuck up on me, starting in my back and spreading to the top of my belly. Then it would peak at that and come down. 

"I'm about to... ugh..." I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. Then, talking quickly, I said, "Another one. And I don't know because they were ten minutes apart and now they keep... they keep..." I could no longer speak. I gripped the sides of the chair and thrust the phone at anyone who wanted to take it from me. 

Miranda grabbed it. 

"She can't talk through them. I think she means they keep coming closer together." (I managed to nod) "What? Oh... Miranda Jennings. I'm a student.... yeah, Janine is here at school... she's still- are you still having a contraction?" 

I nodded again, trying to say that it was slowly letting up, but still unable to get a word out. I gestured for her to give me the phone as the pain finally started to subside. 

"Mom," I panted. "Its me. That was the longest one yet." 

"I'm going to pick up Claudia from school," she replied. "Then we'll be on our way to meet you at the hospital." 

"Should she be missing school?" 

"Janine!" Mom was aghast. "Claudia won't want to miss the birth." 

"Okay, okay," I said. "But make sure she brings her homework. I can help her with it between my contractions." 

Mom laughed gently. "Always the same. Don't count on it, sweetheat." 

Then we hung up and I waited on James. So much for two weeks. That was fine with me; I was ready to meet my baby. (My nameless baby... yes, there was one problem with this sitation.) Today... what was today? I spotted a calendar. 

Tuesday, October 11.   
  
  
  
_A/N: Chapter 20, coming soon!_


	20. Joy Meets World

I've never had this much attention in my entire life. 

Presently, I was making my way down the hallway dressed in my hospital gown, my robe, and my slippers. My entire family surrounded me on all sides, each of them watching my every move. From a distance, my nurse had her eye on me as well. She was the one who had suggested I walk to speed things up a bit. 

"Another contraction?" Mom responded to a brief hesitation from me. Mom, Aunt Peaches, and Sheri were studying me more closely than the other members of my family, probably because they had all been through labor before and knew what a difficult task it was. 

"Not yet," I replied. "But look at this." 

"Oh, wow," Claudia pressed the area right above my ribcage that had actually flattened out now that the baby was so much lower. Her eyes met mine, and it seemed like we were on the same train of thought. I was reminded of when she first did this way back when I was only ten weeks along.We smiled. 

When I had arrived at the hospital several hours ago, I was already six centimeters dilated. No one could believe it, except for me. I had been in denial about being in labor. I realized that these contractions had really started yesterday when I came home with a sore back and sore hips. They had picked up this morning and continued throughout the day. They kept getting more and more intense as the hours passed... 

After about three more steps, the pain hit me again, and I gasped and gripped the rail. As they had done before, James stood in front of me, and I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. Mom stood behind me and stroked my back very gently. 

They were coming much faster now and lasting even longer, and the pain was stronger than anything I had ever experienced. Between contractions, I felt constantly uncomfortable and during them, I was unable to do anything but gasp for more air and wait for it to pass. 

When it finally did, I managed to straighten up and look at my family. 

"Enough of this," I said firmly. 

"Walking?" Mom asked. 

"No, labor," I said. Gentle laughter from my family followed. 

A girl approached me. She looked younger than my nurse. Probably a nursing student, I guessed. "It's been awhile since we checked your progress, Mrs. (check the clipboard) ...Yamawa." 

"Yama_ka_wa," Zach piped up. It was one of the few things he had said since his arrival. I think seeing me like this was making him pretty uncomfortable. Will kept a distance from me, too. 

James chuckled, although it sounded very forced. 

The tension was driving me crazy. 

"Back to your room, please?" The nursing student asked impatiently. 

I responded by glaring at her. She deserved it. Couldn't she see that I was heading back to my room as fast as I could? Claudia saw my expression, too, and made a face. Luckily, my nurse approached in time to witness this. 

"No hurry," she said to me. Then she turned to the student. "Faye, would you grab Mrs. Yamakawa's chart?" 

"Thank you," I said to the nurse as I eased my way into the room. "What was your name? I never caught it." 

"I'm Anna," she replied, helping me into the bed. 

"Anna," I repeated. "That's a pretty name." 

The rest of my family lingered outside, except for James, who never left my side. As soon as I had settled into the bed and was hooked up to the fetal monitor, another contraction hit me. 

"Ohh..." Groaning, I rolled over on my side and curled into a ball. James rubbed my side gently, and Anna watched the monitor closely. I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain pratically paralyzed me. 

"Doing good, doing good..." Anna muttered. "The worst is over. Keep breathing. Don't hold your breath." 

I sighed loudly, the sound escaping my lips unintentionally. This one hurt a lot. Oh, Lord, it was the worst one yet. I sighed out again as it gradually died down. Then I opened my eyes. 

"Do you want the epidural?" Anna asked. 

I considered that. Again. And again, I shook my head. 

"No, I can take it. Better this way." 

Anna smiled. "There are benefits either way," she said, while checking my progress. "Although they take away some of the pain, it also takes away the urgency to push. Besides... you've already made it to eight and a half centimeters." 

"So it shouldn't be much longer?" I asked, hopefully. 

"We-ell," Anna scrunched up her face. "There's really no way to tell. Right now, it's 9:45. Perhaps you'll be able to deliver before midnight if things continue to move along quickly." 

"Mmm," I closed my eyes and shifted around, trying unsuccessfully to be comfortable. It was not happening. In every possible position, I was constantly aching. 

Anna encouraged me to try to get some rest, and then she left. My family came into the room and we gave them the news that I was two and a half centimeters closer to being ready for delivery. It was encouraging, but I still knew that I long night lay ahead of me. 

"What's today's date?" Claudia suddenly asked. 

"The eleventh," said James. 

"Tomorrow would be Mom's birthday," my mother added. 

I had realized that earlier today when I was in the principal's office. My grandmother, Mimi, was born on October the twelfth. And now there was the possibilty of her great granddaughter being born on the same date. Unless she came before midnight. 

"Maybe it'll be someone else's birthday, too," Claudia grinned. "What will you name her?" 

I groaned. For two reasons. One being that we had not settled on her name. Two being that another contraction had come over me. The subject was dropped as my family tried in vain to ease my pain. Surely, this was the hardest thing that I would ever do.   
  
  
  


___________________________________  
  
_Several hours later..._

  
  


"Janine's shaking!" someone (maybe Claudia) gasped. 

"Why is she doing that?" 

"Janey? Janey, what's happening?" 

"It's normal," a new voice was in the room. My nurse? 

"I'm about to check to be sure," she went on. "But I'm fairly certain that it means she's fully dilated and ready to deliver." 

Ready? Was I really ready? 

"Ten centimeters," I heard her say after a moment. "The head is very low. Janine, do you feel like pushing yet?" 

"Hmm," I answered. I was _dying_ to push. "Mm-hmm." 

"We're going to try pushing, now," she announced. "For ten seconds, I'll count and you push. Ready? Breathe in... " 

I sucked air in and held my breath, my muscles working hard to bear down as Anna counted slowly to ten. Unwillingly, I let out a scream that took everyone by suprise, myself included. I caught sight of Claudia's face, twisted into a strange expression. I'm sure my face looked much worse. 

"Good, but don't scream," Anna commanded. "You'll waste your energy. Okay, Dr. Caldwell will be here shortly. Meanwhile, let's keep pushing and see if we can move her down even more. On the next contraction, okay?" 

"I'll try," my body still trembled. James reaching down to lightly touch my belly. I knew he was doing it because it was his last chance to feel her in there, but still... I did not want to be touched. I swatted him away, and he drew back from me. 

"Sorry," I immediately felt awful. Then the pain came back full force, and tears were now rolling down my cheeks,"Oh, God..." 

"Pull back your knees," Anna commanded me. "Dad, hold her hand. Ready? Now, go! One...two...three... GOOD! Keep going! Five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten." 

The pain lingered. I knew we weren't finished, and so did Anna. She commanded me to take another breath. I did. She started counting again, and I kept pushing. And again, another scream escaped from my lips. I couldn't help it. 

"Her head is right there," Anna told me. "You're doing great already." 

"Here," Claudia had a damp towel in her hand. She dabbed my face and neck gently with it. Then she kissed my cheek. "Do you want me to stay or leave? I can do either." 

I grasped her hand. I wanted her with me. "Stay." 

She beamed at me. I managed to halfway smile in return. 

"You too, Mom," I said. "Sheri, Peaches, you too." (James, too, of course.) 

"Mind if I join you?" Dr. Caldwell had arrived. "I heard that this baby's in a hurry." 

My response was to groan. Not because of what he had said; because the pain was getting worse. Without being commanded, I instinctively started pushing. The nurse told Claudia to count for me. I clawed at James's hand with all of my might as I used the rest of my strength to push. 

"Nice job," Dr. Caldwell said. "She's crowning now. The top of her head is exposed. Let's go again, and get two strong pushes out of the next contraction." 

I obeyed. Two pushes helped, but her head was not completely out. I wanted it out very badly as the entire lower half of my body felt like it was on fire. Two more pushes, and I could feel her moving even more with my efforts. Two more and... 

"Her head is out!" That was Claudia. "Oh, my Lord. I'm going to... pass out..." 

Mom left her post, which was holding one of my knees, to tend to Claudia who actually had grown awfully pale. She was the same Claudia who had passed out while getting her ear pierced. 

"Have her sit down," Anna took notice of Claudia as well. "Put your head between your legs and take deep breaths." 

"Um, excuse me?" I sounded more irritated than I meant to. "Mom!" 

"I'm back, I'm back!" She grabbed my knee just in time because I was ready to push again. Once the contraction took control of me, there was just no stopping anything. I pushed whether I wanted to or not. Grunting with the effort, I felt her continue moving downward and out of me. _More, more, more..._

"Here come her shoulders," Dr. Caldwell took hold of her. "Okay, Janine, just a little push now. Very lightly... Good... Here. We. Go. And..." 

She slid right out without much more effort. It was an incredible sensation. She was leaving my body and coming into the world. And then, she announced this fact. 

I heard a tiny cry. 

Tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed. "Oh, my..." 

"She's out," Dr. Caldwell held her up. "A baby girl!" 

I wiped away my tears to look at her for the first time as the doctor then placed her on my stomach and started to clean her off. Tiny. Perfect. All arms and fingers, all toes and legs accounted for. Here was my baby, my joy... 

"Hey, there," James gazed at this tiny new baby, amazed. He touched her little head with a finger, stroking her black hair. Then the nurse handed him scissors to cut the cord. Mom snapped a picture. Claudia, who had now made a full recovery, was also wiping away tears. 

"My joy..." I murmered, reluctantly letting them take her to be checked carefully and then weighed. "There she is. At last. My joy." 

"Is that her name?" Anna asked. "That's my real name. Joyanna. I'm called Anna." 

"Joyanna?" I repeated, loving the sound of it. "That's beautiful." 

"That just might fit her," James had his eyes on our baby, who kept on crying in her own unique way. It was a sound that I would always be able to recognize as my own one crying. 

"Seven pounds, two ounces," Anna announced as she was wrapping her in a pink receiving blanket. "Twenty inches long. Born at 1:14 AM on October the twelfth." 

"Joyanna," I whispered. "Joyanna Rioko Yamakawa. We'd call her Joy." 

"It fits," Claudia agreed. "Joy." 

"Rioko?" Mom smiled. "I'm honored." 

I smiled back, hoping Sheri didn't mind. She didn't seem to give it a second thought. 

Joyanna Rioko was brought back to me, now wrapped tightly in a little bundle with a little cap covering the thin, black patches of hair on her head. She had stopped crying; now she only scrunched up her tiny nose, and her almond-shaped eyes opened slightly and then closed again, squinting at this strange new world with so many bright lights. 

"Welcome to the family," James said as he took her from me, holding his daughter for the first time. His whole face changed as he looked at her. "Our own little Joy. Welcome to the world, Joyanna Rioko."   
  
  


_A/N: Another chapter or two coming to wrap things up! Please, let me know how you felt about this chapter!_


	21. A Family Now

It took a few tries for Joyanna and I to get the hang of breastfeeding. Once we figured it out, however, she looked like she had been doing this all of her life. (Technically, she had.) 

I was amazed. Here was the tiny person I had been waiting to meet. Had I ever waited this long for something so important? Here she was, counting on me to feed her, to protect her, to love her. And here I was, ready to give her that and more. 

During my childhood and teen years and even during college, everything was about me. I'd always been given a lot of praise and attention for being a genius. I was always under pressure to top myself time and time again. But who put the pressure on me? I did. And I did it because I craved more praise, more attention. It was my only joy in life. I did things back then that showed how self-centered I was. Little things like using big words around my sister just because I wanted to feel more important than she was. Things I regret. 

But raising Joy would not be a selfish act. For once, it would not be about me. 

"Look at her go," James came back into the room, suddenly, and I came back to the present. He kissed Joy and I both. "How do you feel?" 

"Better." We laughed. 

"_Not_ pregnant," I added. "Actually a mother now. How do you feel?" 

James smiled as if he couldn't think of words to express his emotions. Again, this was a new smile for him. Something in his eyes was different. It was as though, after being in this world for only a few short hours, Joy had already transformed my husband into a new man. 

"Her name truly is appropriate," he said, watching her. She had finished drinking and was now giving me this look of satisfaction. Her deep, brown eyes twinkled. They were my eyes, and when she smiled, I saw dimples just like her daddy's. Her chin had a little dimple on it, too. Also from James. Her nose was just the nose of a baby, a tiny button of a nose. Although it was hidden under her little hat, she had fine, black hair that was a little patchy. Her head was slightly cone-shaped from birth, but it would look normal in no time. I could close my eyes and picture her so clearly. I had memorized all of the features on her face hours ago. 

James reached for her, and I let him take her while I pulled my gown back up. He settled down in the rocking chair, and the two of them stared at one another. 

"Zach came along when I was ten, you know," James said. "I helped out with him a little. I looked after him sometimes. Fed him a bottle. Even changed his diaper. But a little brother and a daughter are completely different. I can't put it into words quite how I feel. A good feeling. I just..._want_ to do everything for her, you know? With a little brother, it was more like a chore. This is different." 

"Mm-hmm," I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. 

There was a knock at the door. 

"Come in," I said. 

The door swung open, and there stood Grace. 

"Hi!" I exclaimed. Beaming, she rushed to my bedside and leaned over to give me a gentle hug. 

"Look at you," she grinned at me. "And look at this gorgeous child!" 

"Would you like to hold her?" James asked. Grace nodded enthusiastically, and James eased her into Grace's arms. 

"My goodness," Grace smiled at Joy, who was already so used to being passed around from one stranger to the next that it did not phase her. "What did you call her?" 

"Joy," I said. "Joyanna Rioko Yamakawa." 

"That's so original," Grace said. "With a name like that, she should be famous." 

"We'll see." 

She studied me. "How do you feel? I heard you were in labor for a long time." 

"All of yesterday," I said. "Part of Monday, too, I think. Didn't even know that the contractions were the real thing at first. They tell me that I screamed a lot during delivery. I only remember doing it a few times, but Claudia said that it happened practically every other time I had to push." 

"Wow," Grace raised her eyebrows. "And now, how do you feel?" 

"Well, I got up awhile ago," I winced at the memory. "I tried to walk around, but it hurt too much." 

"You'll be back to your old self in no time," Grace assured me. "You look a little like you did when I first met you. Back when you were like, what, twenty weeks along?" 

I laughed. "I guess so, yeah. Look at you... you look great." 

She had lost more weight since the last time I had seen her, which was about a month ago when she came by the school for a visit. Grace had been taking a few classes at the local community college and working a full-time job at a daycare center. The great part about her job was that she could easily bring the twins with her to work. 

She made a face. "I doubt my body will ever be the same. Pregnancy left me with wider hips, a larger bust, and stretch marks." 

I groaned. "Don't say the s-word. Stretch marks. Please, I was trying to forget about that." We laughed. "Anything new with you?" 

"I sort of... met a guy," she said, shyly. 

"_Yeah?_ What's he like?" 

She blushed. "His name is Cliffton, and he's really sweet. He started coming to my church, and we went for lunch a few times. And he came over to my house a few times. He really likes the twins. And he doesn't act like I have the plague or something just because I'm a teen mom." 

"That's wonderful, Grace," I told her. "I hope it works out." 

"Me too. Even if it doesn't turn into a relationship, though, I've made a great friend." 

"You seem happy," I commented. 

"Mostly," she nodded. Then she looked down at Joy, again. "Oooh, you're gorgeous!" 

"Thank you," James and I spoke in unision and exchanged a smile. 

Grace stayed and talked with us for awhile longer, and then left to pick up Mark and Luke from home and head off to work for the day. It was still early, and I was anticipating many visitors for the rest of the day. 

Later on, Peaches was coming back and bringing Russ and my three little cousins. My parents had to work, but they would be back afterwards. Claudia, Will, and Zach all had school, but Claudia planned on coming back after school. And she was even planning to bring her friends MaryAnne, Kristy, and Abby. 

With a long day ahead of us, we took a family nap. James made himself as comfortable as he could be, lying in a hospital chair that reclined back with a pillow and blanket. Joy had fallen asleep in the bassinet next to my bed after Grace left. And I, although exhausted, watched the two of them sleeping now. 

We were a family now. 

Joyanna stirred a bit, and a tiny cry escaped her lips. Her eyes fluttered open, and she scrunched up her face. She wailed slightly and looked at me. Then she let out another cry. I, being her mother, knew what to do. Leaning over, I picked her up and held her. That settled her down right away. Just having her mother hold her. 

Janine the Genius. Ever since I breezed through my first IQ test at age seven, that's who I've been... 

I once thought that I would be nothing more than that. 

As I take in the miracle, the Godsend, that I hold, I realize that one of the most important roles I'll ever have from now until the day I die is simply being a mother to Joyanna. 

And that is the story of how I took on a new role. One of many, many more to come. 

_The End._   
  
  
  


A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for staying with me while I wrote this story! Your awesome, overwhelming response to the story has been what kept it going. This is the longest story I have ever finished. And it is thanks to all of you! 


	22. Sequel Information & a CONTEST!

**Sequel Info: A Tale of Two Sisters**

  
  
  


The sequel takes place when Joy, Janine's daughter, is 16 years old! :-) (Big jump, I know!) Joy has a little sister, whom I am thinking will be named Jyllina and called Jyll (unless I change my mind). The basic setup here: Joy is the Claudia and Jyll is the Janine. Joy is the C student who hates school while 13-year-old Jyll is the genius who is already in high school. 

And that is the premise here - Joy is not crazy about Jyll going to her school. So their rivalry, which is very similar to Claud and Janine's old rivalry, increases. The younger sister being the genius seems an even worse scenerio to me. 

Already we have a tale of two sisters. But I've been interested in writing some sort of BSC sci-fi fic for quite some time now. So I'm not stopping there. 

Joyanna wishes she could be the genius. Basically, she's wishing for the relationship that her mother and Aunt Claudia have. She gets her wish granted by a mysterious new girl at school, but in an unusual way... 

And that's all I will say at this point. :-) 

What does everyone think of my new storyline? Comments? Questions? I'd love to know before I write it. 

One more thing. I'm having a little contest. Nothing big. Just something that other people have done before (such as SweetMe) that looks like fun. 

The new girl I mentioned... she'll play a pretty important role in the story. Right after Joyanna, Jyllina, Janine, and Claudia. So I need some specifics on her. 

In reviews, I need you to come up with: (1) A name for her. (2) A physical description and (3) Some sort of interesting fact about her that can be worked it without being central to the storyline. Just something like... ex. She plays volleyball. or ex. She's from California 

And I'll just pick my favorite character and use it. 

Note: I do suggest NOT using a name from the original story to avoid confusion. Don't use Natalie, Miranda, Grace, Andrea, Hannah, Bethany, Laura, Sheri, Sarah, Carla, Sharon, Faye, Vanessa or Haley. I'm pretty sure it would also be a good idea not to use any of the names from the original BSC or my new BSC. 

Anyway - there are the contest guidelines. You could call this a ploy to get reviews... yeah... but I also really like contests and wanted to have one. Oh, and don't forget - I do want your imput on the storyline for "A Tale of Two Sisters" (which is coming as soon as I can write it! Sorry for the wait!) 

As always, thanks for reading! 

Love Ya'll,   
Krista 


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